something 2 share~

is me myself?

2010-12-28T00:37:00.002+09:00

i don't know... i am leading a damn boring life now....
graduate=>work=>marry?

i want a crazy life, i know i am asking too much.. but hey where is the ready-for-adventure me?
i am so boring now.... i didn't even dare to pursue or to say, i think i lost it...
what is my dream now huh? to fins a job in japan? and then???????

suddenly i find no purpose in my life.. its so boring.....

Finally i felt close to you...

2010-10-30T17:47:00.013+09:00

Went to visit Hide, and i felt so close to him, and i know he is there watching us...

On the way to his grave, the view of the sea is like never ending.. guess Hide loves the sea a lot..

And this is the view when we get out of the bus, peaceful seaside.. with humble and quite farmers and fisher mans living around..

This is the name of the grave, if translated to english, it's call "gardens of souls"

A 10 minutes walk before we reach the grave, everything is so peaceful there, reminds me of how peaceful it can be to have a simple life while watching the farmers harvest...

It was just around the corner

And there it is, Hide's grave.. so colorful, so outstanding, so huge.. but silently it rains when we reached his grave

I got so emotional when i see his grave, the first thing i do is tell him that who am i and where am i from, and how is he doing? finally i came to see him and i can't help myself from asking him " where are you?" i asked for three times and believe it or not, the photo hanging on the flower pot( the one on the left, the white photo if you can see that clearly) flew up 180 degrees for about 10 to 15 seconds. It is raining and the wind blew, but it only flew up after i asked that question and it never did again even the wind blows. That made me believe he is there, Hide is there.. right there!!

While my friend prays for him, i can't help crying. It is just so sad, and i can't move or do anything but cried. I am so touched by Xue who snap photos while crying, i know it was so hard for her, but because of her i can have this beautiful photos to be shared^^ thanks xue~!! love you!!

Guitar with lyrics that written by Hide. You will find this line in the song call merry-go-round. It sounds like Hide predicted his own death and wrote this lyrics..><

I will be sure to bring letters to Hide the next time i go visit. Ps: spotted by Xue

We really don't want to leave, but we had too. Lastly i apologize to Hide that i cried and i will leave with a smile, i did until the grave is out of my sight and i told Xue about the photo's incident and we cried again... in the rain...

Rest in peace Hide, you will always be in our hearts
yours truly,
Suki and Xue

It's like a dream still a dream but it was reality~

2010-09-16T00:59:00.007+09:00

It took me 1 month to think how to blog this... put my busy life aside but the main reason is i can't believe what i saw and been through is real and it has happened~!!!
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I FINALLY WENT TO GACKT CONCERT AND HE IS SO DAMN NEAR AND I FREAKING CRIED LIKE A BABY~!!!!!! oh gosh..><

he is my God... he is my god... i just cant express how much i love him and will love him like forever and ever... the songs he sang just burned its way in my head and made a mark in my brain, his passion for music made my tears came flowing.. his hard work to make the best night for me..... for us ..... its nobel to me...
i know what i did that day was starring at Gackt, got my heart to listen to his voice.. got my hands to follow his rhythm, got my tears to show i cared for him and how much my heart hurts when i see him almost faint...

i know i might sound fanatic.... coz i think our eyes met for 3 sec..XD well... maybe coz i am the only one who got emotional and maybe my friend wore shoes that made her so tall and!! we had a clear spot where no hands or head could cover us...
And You the guitarist noticed us for sure.. he kept throwing stuff to our direction ( coz we risked being pull out from the concert by bringing in hand-made banners saying we are from Malaysia and its forbidden to do that..@@).. too bad we didnt get any of those stuff coz aunties besides us are too strong...@@ pushed my friend..><

I love him i love Gackt.... looking forward for more concerts~~~^^

photos~~~~ Gackt rabbit is so so cute~~~=3

ガクト様〜♥

2010-07-04T23:37:00.006+09:00

今日(7/4)誕生日ですね〜！誕生日おめでとうございます〜しつこいけど、おかげさまで今日日差し強くでも風が優しくて涼しい。。ガクト様みたいに〜！（笑）やばい。。。話し方変態みたいな私。。。（＞＜）\。。不器用な。。

本当に。。ガクト様のこと１５歳の中3から好きです。何か科学反応のように、ガクト様の歌声に引かされた。。（＝＾３＾＝）
目力あるひとだなって、出演バラエティーも面白くて、書いた音楽は特に、感動しました。言葉にできないぐらい感動しました。段々、ガクト様の存在は神様ぐらいです。。大げさにいつも言われたが。。。T＾T。。。ストーカーや変態や過激派じゃなですけど、ただガクト様のことを尊敬し過ぎて。。気持ちが心の中から溢れて来た。。（ノ＞＿＞ノ）

これかれも愛し続きます。夏の仙台zeppのコンサート楽しんでいます〜！（＾０＾）／中学生からの夢ようやく実現するこたが出来る。。跡一ヶ月ぐらい。。ようやく愛してるガクト様に会える〜！

ガクト様を愛するキセキ

Dream Weight

2010-05-30T11:43:00.002+09:00

How much will you sacrifice for your dream? and how much will you sacrifice to support others dreams?

I saw a Japan tv program about how much both parents believed in their children's dream and they sacrifices money and time together just to give their children the right education in order to pursue her dream. Imagine a japanese mother bringing along two kids to Austria without any dutch language skills just because she believed in her daughter violin skills and wanted her to get the best training and education, and so does her son. and the poor husband staying alone in Japan to work and earn a living for them.

It struck me to see how much a dream weight for them. They can go this far and sacrifice so much just because they believed in dream. They pictured a future in this dream and they are living it now to fulfill it. Tears kept falling from my eyes as i am ashamed that i lost my passion and my dream. All i can think of now is graduating, finding a job and earn money. This might sound like other people's dream but i know this isn't mine. I am sad because i didn't have the courage to fight for my dream, i felt so pathetic to go with the flow, suddenly i don't know who am i anymore. When you realize the dream you once had has been forgotten by yourself felt so empty and sad.

Though i think its too late to make things bend my way again, i just hope that from now i can pick up my broken pieces of dream one by on and try to fix it again. It might not be perfect anymore, it might not look as shinning as before, but still i know this is me and this is what i want. I am not blaming my parents for not believing in my and the weight of my dream seems to light to them, but i know they have other faith in me. And i learned that, how much it hurts for not believing in a child's dream. i know i won't do it to my children. My child's dream's weight will hold a heavy place in my heart and i will try my best to let them fulfill it.

i miss you so much..DO you know?

2010-05-14T01:01:00.006+09:00

i am late, late for everything related to him. i am too late to go to his live, too late to get to know him, to late to know his music his songs his story and his soul. We are all to late to save him i guess...

and i failed once again, being too late to post my regards for HIDE death anniversary... 2nd of May. HIDE are you happy in heaven? are you still looking down and smile to us? are you still swaying your guitar making music for angels friends in heaven?
We miss you a lot, i miss you a lot.

Thanks to Jun, i got a chance to peek at HIDE"S death anniversary 2010... even though i wanted to be there so so so much~~~
Pink Spider, my all time favorite, some of the songs you wrote before you go to heaven.. Guess what, i saw a big spider last night just by the alley in front of my room. and today it made a big yet beautiful web. Made me think of you and wonder is it you who had came back to see me? silly huh? i am.. i miss you so and i still can't listen to "Forever love" because it reminds me of you and your funeral. It's so hard to say goodbye to you. Wrote this for you 5 years ago... and i wanted to dedicate it to you again..

Shooting Star
He’s walking down street with everything’s gone
Nothing sucks more than to be alone
Money, fame, pride gone like smoke
Speechless, want no one to come home.

No, we don’t know what it’s like
Don’t understand how he feels
And forever his mouth is sealed

He’s just like a shooting star
Looks close but yet so far
To all its precious and heavenly sent
But in the glorious moment everything end

The rain starts to fall outside
Rain falls on him, no one knew he cried
He will be leaving in a few second
Will he see heaven again?

No we never know what it’s like
Never understand how he feels
Because forever his mouth is sealed

He’s just like a shooting star
Looks close but yet so far
To all its precious and heavenly sent
But in the glorious moment everything end

I hope never to see shooting star in the sky
It’s once in a life time, but it hurts inside..
by Suki

Shopping day~^.^

2010-04-25T01:03:00.005+09:00

Shopping day= tired + heart ache...hahaha

It's been a while... well almost one year ago since i spend so much for shopping..><
Well i bought those stuff i need like skin care, cosmetic, make-up remover and underwear~!wahahahaha. and took puri kura and UFO Catcher for a goth cat and of course Baskin Robins~!!!X3

I do love this spec so so much and they belong to shiori~TT^TT

Xiu~~~

And shiori and Sa..4 shopaholic girls~!XD

My trophy of war~!XD

Puri kurass~!! mad love~>w<

oh i want this for a long time dy~!GETZZ~!!^^

Bought this coz of lust...XD

new undiess...nyehehe

This is very good ~~ recommended ~!!^^

Got this with the merge power of me and shiori~!nyahaha

Tired face...><

TADAA~~~~ my 1st ever skin care~!!!X3 cost me half of my salary though...><

but i got sample~!^^ they are so generous.....one big pack of cotton, one bottle of whitening serum and one foundation trial kit...~>3<

when will can i access facebook again????

heart weigh

2010-04-24T11:29:00.003+09:00

i wonder how much you weight in my heart?

this is a line i will always ask myself. and than i will determined that he or she is important to me or vice versa. But sometimes i will make mistake as well because is not really easy to for your heart to give you an accurate answer. A few thoughts in my mind and a few people in my heart, trying to process them. Wonder who is more important than who, what is more important than the other. These kind of thing might make me go cook-coo someday i know. But well, this is a "thing" that i need to live to move on and to love someone correctly.

do you want to weigh your weight in my heart?

The weather today=cloudy

2010-04-21T09:05:00.002+09:00

It's been cloudy all week. and i can't help myself from becoming cloudy too. feels like i let a whole bunch of cloud into my heart and all i can think of are negatives stuff. suddenly i feel my luck is gone, everyone seems to far away from me, my charm is gone and so does my self esteem. Though i prefer cloudy day than sunny day sometimes, because i hate the sun for making me dark...><. but i never thought sunny day can actually turn someone's feeling from down to up.

guess yesterday wasn't a good day for me so it made me think this way.

We are growing.. and no stopping

2010-04-01T01:01:00.008+09:00

its growing old i meant.....
here is a good thing bout having friends who are still in high school.... girls and boys who are 5,6 years younger than you.... you can see it clearly... the age gap. When you think well i am still 23 what's the big deal? i am in my twenties and hey i can't talk to old hag.. me and them... age gap. Think like that and you are the old hag yourself.

I instantly find myself having this age gap problem on April's fool, though i am not fooling anyone but myself that i am still young.. wee-hoo. Went out with a bunch of high school friends yesterday to, well have a last meet with a guy Mochi who is going to Tokyo for further studies after high school. We seems well in sms, we chat like usual, laugh like usual. But when it comes to the meeting part, it was so uh-oh. The things you find interested in shopping mall=different, the stuff that you think is funny=different, and the freaking way you dress=different, Oh i do feel like an old hag walking with them and boy i was quiet, the most quiet 4 hours in my life i can say~~~~!
I didn't even talk a lot during lunch. Lunch for me is the best place to chit chat~!! and for a minute i was thinking " what's wrong with you people?? you just came and eat and play on your phone and some stupid games and not chit chat ??" but then i realize the problem is on me. I was the old hag and i am no longer their age to understand what they are doing or thinking.

this is the game i meant. Erm its' call who-can-sing-the-most-cm-songs. The little tube with paper in the middle is something you push to your opponent when you finish singing a cm song

and there they are, happy and interested.

and say hellooo to the prove of age gap.. there~!

I am no longer young and fresh like them and i do enjoy talking about love, cute guys and about getting a job and mama mia money. Can play no more games in my life as it will affect my future. At the end of the day, a 31% discount baskin robin's cherry flavored ice-cream made my day.

Hmp...占卜？

2010-03-10T16:01:00.001+09:00

算命先生“我在银座”的占卜结果。

黄舒琦，有这样的趋势。

+ 有奇怪的特长
+ 喜欢安静
+ 适合细致的工作
+ 更适合扎推
+ 乖
+ 能理性地进行判断
+ 不拘小节

特别是黄舒琦，有这样的趋势。

・有时会寻求救赎
・开始干一件新的事的时候却没有精神
・正逐渐忘了自己有颗单纯的心
・喜欢有意思的人
・喜欢一些疯狂的东西

黄舒琦从我的意见。

・记住怎么吃芸豆

by 俺占卜
→ http://cn.oreuranai.com/
am i like that??

oops~

2010-03-05T22:29:00.003+09:00

There are just so many things in this world that couldn't be explained...
human itself is a magnificently weird creature i can say.. what makes us so complicated is that
we have this thing called feeling...
sometimes u hate it sometimes you'd love it. u just can't explain the urge, or the sixth sense
or whatever you call it that plays a big part in ur decisions...
Male might think clearly but for female's most of the time we follow our inner voice.... that is when we are called
emotional right? but hey that is what a female made of.. emotion... its ok to be call emotional...

i am emotional too, if i am not i wouldn't be writing this blog out of the blue..
my mind is filled with whole lotta stuff to do but yet my heart asked me to blog..
might make me feel better maybe...XD

just came back from malaysia.... everything in Japan, even my own room seem
so unfamiliar to me... maybe i miss those smiles in malaysia... thinking back now
i and surrounded by warm hearted friends and families who make me feel warm
and made a place for me to go home to....

loneliness + coldness = missing

what is what?

2010-01-30T00:56:00.003+09:00

sometimes, i just came to a point that i don't know what i want.
sometimes, i even lie to myself, convince myself that this isn't happening..

sometimes, i need time to be alone
sometimes, i want to be flirt
sometimes, i need something that flips my heart around
sometimes, i need excitement
sometimes, i need tenderness
sometimes, i need craziness
sometimes, i need freedom...

sometimes i am greedy, i want everything my way, i want the world to spin
by my will, i want the flowers to bloom under my permission....
i am bossy yes sir~~!

i am just lost.... and i don't think there is someone there who can fulfill my every needs......
life's like that huh...

Glay countdown live 2009/12/31~2010/01/01

2010-01-06T01:24:00.015+09:00

i really don't know where to start....
4 hours of songs, tears, laughter, excitement, heart racing~!!!

THE CONCERT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR ALMOST 7 YEARS~!
(just like how long Ryan loves his gf...XDXD)

I tried to let me calm down in these few days and hope to get a clear
mind so i can post my opinion and thoughts about the concert..
but i guess i am still exited and still can't get my mind out of the
environment that day~!><

Many songs have been sang... old and new~!^^
all i can say Teru's voice sure is heaven's sent... just like an angel to me...
he made us cry and then jump out with a cute face making us laugh again...
He is so sexy, playful on stage... and flirting with us a lot..^//^

Jiro is as cute as ever, swing his head attractively while playing his bass and smile playfully...
throwing guitar picks that i wanted so much but too bad
i am not in front enough to get it~!T^T

Hisashi, cool as ever hahaha.... his make-up was so gothic that day~!^7^
and the best part is hisashi's Q&A session...
They choose questions from fans and Teru asked hisashi..
Questions:
1)Teru (read): What will you do in winter when it is cold outside?
Hisashi:: curl up in kotatsu (kotatsu is a table with blanket covering the side and below the table will have a electric warmer so it will keep u warm while watching tv in living room~!^^)

so cute~!! just like a cat?=3

2)Teru: use one word to describe year 2009
Hisashi: The past

Lolz~!!!! ROFL~!!!!!! as cool as ever,, too bad i forgot other questions.. i think he asked 5 of them..
those fans sure is happy when their name is called..>< next time i will remember to fill the
form... maybe they will pick me]y question~!XD

Takuro, takuro... less with the "me..me" thingy...
And i do respect him as a talented song composer and lyric writer..
but i told my friend i wont scream his name...><.. but in the end i did screamed his name
until my throat went dry....because Takuro just did something that touches everyone deeply..
At the end of the show... after everyone went backstage... he was the last one
to walk inside and before he did... he turn around and bow 90 degrees ...
for almost 1 minute...>< to show his appreciation... i am just so touched...

The great news Takuro brought us is.... THEY ARE HAVING A TOUR AROUND JAPAN in 2010~!!
OMG YAY~!!!! COME TO AOMORI COME TO AOMORI~!! AND I WILL GO TO HOKKAIDO
AS WELL~!!!!>3<

Teru's creativity is evergreen.... the Glay's shrine for fans to pray( coz japanese go to shrine for
prayers in new year) and some animation when they are changing backstage~!^.^
to wrap all this up in one word=UNFORGETTABLE~!!!!!

Of course.... i will never miss a chance to buy concert goods~!!!!!
T-shirt~!!! 4000yen....but i am wearing Teru's pattern...XD forgive the dirty mirror>>

Back style~!(sorry for the dirty mirror..==)

The looong towel~!^.^ 2000yen

Look closer.. these are the tour dates~!^^

And this is the date i went to~!XDXD

so hisashi's style.... maybe designed by him~!=x

To-to bag~!!!!^.^ for only 600yen... used once only...><

Newsletter bag found on our seats~!^^

beh tahan~! i MUUST have one hanging on my wall~!XD

and the ticket that made me broke........>8<.. price=secret.. all i can tell u is u can buy 2 ipod nano in japan......

An Cafe live house~!!!!^.^

2009-09-27T23:34:00.006+09:00

Finally after all these months...I have something to post~!!i FINALLY have something to post~!!!

An cafe~!Live in Aomori Quater

Concerts are awesome as well but i personally prefer Live house~!!^.^
Today i went to An Cafe's live house. It was held in a pub and believe me it is
very very very small~!!!! only can fill 144~150 people! That is the best part~!^.^

First of all, i admire my strength, mentally and physically... This live house is today
that is 9/27, sunday and the day before i attend a student exchange activity
which require me to spend a night outside my dorm.. omg do believe me when i
tell you this i only slept for 2 hours because those kids are just to noisy~! and
the leader told everyone freaky stuff happened around the place we are staying
and that really freak the hell out of me....

And then~! with a tired body (and i am having my P by the way..==)
i went lining to buy An Cafe live house goodies--towel it is a must~!!!!
then line up and waited to go inside the pub.And then one by one according to
numbers one by one we went in..

When the band came in OMG i can't believe myself seeing Miku, Teruki, Canon standing
in front of me. Miku is such a sweetie coz he knows people behind can't see him so
he stood on the highest spot on stage so that we behind can see him as well~!!!
Started off with rock songs that made everyone went high~@
And then Miku's mc time. He brought us bad news and good news...
The Bad news is this is An Cafe's last tour because they want to take a break
and all activities stopped for the moment..T^T so sad....
And the good news is, This live house went live on Aomori tv~!!
and Miku has his own way with the crowd. His interact so well with
us^.^. Coz someone asked when this Live house is being aired?(at first we didn't know there was a camera man
recording us live~!@@) and Miku says: Now~! at this moment when the next song start~!! and everyone was
shocked and happy and went excited..hahaha

Miku's vocal is so strong and you cant' hear his breathing!!!amazing~!!!!! and he kept us jumping
and dancing~! He kept the atmosphere high and happy~!!! and nyappy~!!^w^
And in between while miku is resting, other members had a small drama played.
If you know kekekeketaro.. an anime about monsters..hahaha Teruki is Teruki taro and kanon
is the eyeball father, takuya is cat and yuki is a water demon~!! Teruki is very talented in voice
imitating~! hahaha and kanon as well~!! the play was damn funny~!!!XD
Miku sang a lot and talked a lot to us and the main show lasted for 1 hour plus..
And encore time~!!!! they sang for 45minutes man!!!! And Miku spill water to everyone using his
Mouth~!! and even jump down stage!! too bad i stand too far to touch him~!!T^T
And i didnt even get anything they throw down stage..miku threw the bottle he drank
and takuya threw guitar pick,,,know why i didn't get?Coz japanese gals too ganas~!!==
i tell you.. wear so cute when snatch things damn ganas~!! i duwanna get hurt~!!>>
And the 3rd last song, Miku sang a song called "You".. he made this song just after they
plan to shut down all activities and rest. He says he knows everyone of us work very hard
and sometimes too hard, he wanted to delivery a message saying that we can laid back sometimes,
take a rest or fool around, don't have to work too hard everytime, it is ok if you tried!!
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW~!! i tell you everyone cried like hell!!
even guys!! i cried too~! that is why my eye liner smeared~!!
And Miku was to sad making all of us cry and he kept apologizing.. Then he want us to smile
again coz he want to remember our smiling face not crying face~!!X3
And then he took out his Donald Duck puppet~!XD made us dance like mad and then
We all took out the towel as told( you see i told you it is a must to buy towel~!^.~)
Coz the 2nd last song was boundz kizuna, miku says the towel is a bound between us and them~!!XD
And the last song for the night~!!!Smile Ichiban II onna~!!! kiyaaa we all sang along~!!!
And last last, All of them spoke and thanked us. Miku stayed till the end and his last word
is Aishiteru!!!XDXDXD

Miku is so sexy and lively on stage... kanon was cool as usual~! teruki is so leader and yuki is
a liittle dumb and takuya is just cute~!!

The Ticket~!!

Wanna Cover my Dark circle but failed~!!==

My outfit~!! with long white boots~!! my boots are the same with Miku's but he's was pink~!^3^

The van~!!so cute rite?XDXDXD

The pub... small rite??

Live house goodies~!!XDXD cost me bout rm100~!@@

The Towel

I will remember this forever and ever

Wrist band~!

See~!! smeared make-up but happy nyappy~!XD

Nyappy Mirror~!!^^

L.O.V.E nyappy~!!

50/50

2009-06-26T23:11:00.002+09:00

Got scholarship, had my part-time job practical done...
I should be happy shouldn't i?

An then happily i was about to make lunch, with my favorite show on the tv.
Then, MJ's death's news was announce suddenly.

My feelings change suddenly, like sunny day to rainy day.
I was shocked, messed up and freaking sad.

Lately, there have been too many death from the entertainment world.
I do hope famous people nowadays will start to take care of their health.
Anything happen to them will break millions of hearts and bring down thousand gallon
of tears.

Rest in Peace MJ. Your music will always be in my heart

Gloomy Weekend(_ _||)

2009-05-22T23:44:00.001+09:00

It will be raining in Japan this weekend..
Well i think it rains because everyone feel gloomy especially mua..
BECAUSE ADAM DIDNT WIN AMERICAN IDOL AND I DONT KNOW WHY!!!
he freaking deserve to win the title... anyone can see it.
He has the one in a million voice and he is born to be a star.
I just can't accept the result. Just felt like something is wrong with
America!!!!ARGH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya i am emotional i know, enough of it!
I know Adam will be more famous than the winner..
When the new season of American Idol starts, i think no one
give a damn about the 8th season winner. no one barely remembers
i guess......... not trying to be a sour grape but this is the truth!!
Do u remember season 2's winner?how about season 3? and 4?

Adam is different, his name will last forever in the American Idol hall of fame. people who
can see his talent will understand, and remember Adam Lambert- the one in a million super star!!!!!!!!

Long time no SEE~!

2009-05-17T19:59:00.004+09:00

Since a loooo00o0ong time since i've blog..
Well not much changes in my life except that my Dad is out of job
that's why money seems very important to me now..
And my studies as usual, busy with reports assignments..
Lately joined Japanese Civil Law research team, with only me
the foreigner with whole bunch of japanese and a very funny happy-go-lucky teacher..

The thing that made me happy lately is i might gotten a scholarship..
but the thing is some said it is confirm some say it is not, but officially the money
is not in my account yet~!!!! oh i hope the money come faster~!!T^T

Well drop all the stress, i do enjoy as well..^^

Lately passion for Crayon Shin chan has grown in me..haha
i even bought the snack shin chan love the most in the anime and guess
what, it wasn't bad at all.... somehow it is tasty =^.^=

Treat myself with A Superb Dessert (A Cake and banana slice toping with banana pudding, red bean and coffee ice-cream>0<)

Had hokkaido's Full cheese cheese cake ~!YUM~!!!@.@

Say HI to our first spring beetle~!^.^

Go crazy when i Saw X JAPAN printed behind my shopping bag~!!!O.o

Be a fan girl of Adam Lambert and sent him a handmade sakura bookmark~!=)
I still my Surname coped below the bookmark..XD

Closer look you can see the flower went brownT^T

As soon as the petal touched the glue, from pink it turned brown~AH Vicious chemical reaction~!!!X.X

Guess my life is still fun as long as i keep it fun~!!^.^
despite the stress and heavy school work i got, oh yea and my JLPT test~!>.>
I still am enjoying my life~!!

I should be prod of myself~=)

Rachmaninov Piano Concerto 2 in C# op18

2009-03-07T01:22:00.003+09:00

Whenever i listen to this song it will make me calm, but the ups and downs of the melody
make me think about life, well that is the way life goes.. up and down.

When listening to this songs, memories in my head just pop up like a photo album.
flipping its pages in front of my eyes, showing me the road i have walked through
until today, where i am standing.

Sometimes i would want to grab the people that i love to stick with me and walk together
with me on the path call life, i wanted them to share everything i am doing and of course
do it with me, have fun with me, cry with me, go crazy with me. A selfish act i can say,
but of course, i didn't do that. and i do not have the power to grab everyone that i love
to walk with me, they have their own lives to go on, their own path to walk, or maybe
have someone else to walk with them.

I do believe fate is something that you can mold and live is something that you can create,
just like a painting, what kind of feeling and emotions you want to show to others depends
on what colour you choose. I think my painting shall be full of happy colours like yellow,
red, pink, baby blue, orange and so on. Well at least i give others a happy impression.

If i could, i swear i would colour people with happy colours so that everyone shall be happy,
but i can't, can i? i barely know the person who will walk this path with me, he still seems so
blurry.

I am standing on a point that it seems like that i have everything i wanted, but i felt that there
is something i want more, something that i am not satisfied with. or maybe i can say, something
that i can't be sure of...The Future. I am someone who really concern about what my future will
be like. Will i still have a everlasting friendship with the friends i love so much? Will i have a bright
career ? Will i be able to do things that i passion so much? Will i make something that will make my
family proud?

Staying in a stranger's country sure taught me a lot. Make me want to be a better person
but yet i might loose something like i can't attend my best friend's wedding, i can't be by her side when
is giving birth, i can't meet my beloved teacher whom i wanted to meet so much, i can't be by my family's
side when my mum need me the most. Suddenly freedom felt like a chain that weights so much, weight
that held my wings to the ground.

The path that lead me here, i now can only look at the footsteps i took but i can't turn back.
All i can do is keep walking and walking until i reach that somewhere i wanted to reach.
Along with Rachmoninov's melody, up and down i'll go, cherish every moment i am having
make sure i do no regrets, and sending love to those whom i love so much.

All the best to me=)

what i did on valentine's day~~

2009-02-17T00:53:00.002+09:00

Well i spend it with my best friends~!!親友だ〜！！
we went to a birthday party~!(Son's niece birthday on Valentine's day..damn cool~!)

From Valentine Day~!

with birthday girl Fatin ^.^

From Valentine Day~!

and with my pet son Xuan xuan^.^(damn i loove this photo~!!!>.<)

From Valentine Day~!

of course there is birthday cakes

From Valentine Day~!

this is present from seisyun^.^

From Valentine Day~!

birthday song

From Valentine Day~!

and even a clown came..lucky girl^.^

From Valentine Day~!

fun~!!

From Valentine Day~!

Then we went to have high tea here,

Valentine Day~!

had apple tea and earl grey tea and some scones..

From Valentine Day~!

Bun treat us with chips..nice leh...

From Valentine Day~!

and i just can't let go of my pet son..hahaha.. he is just so adorable.. can't resist..@@

From Valentine Day~!

SEE~!! so cute..>3<

From Valentine Day~!

Then dinner time..

From Valentine Day~!

And do what seisyun does best...haha

From Valentine Day~!

gloomy...... valentine's??

From Valentine Day~!

like valentine's day de ghost nia..

From Valentine Day~!

We dine here, ole-ole bali

From Valentine Day~!

Cool menu

From ValentineDay~!

From Valentine Day~!

The food.... ok la for the price but tasting i say 3 out of 10.. not really THAT good not recommended..really..=.=

First is fish and chip, looks nice but too large size even for a gentleman, not to say lady, normal taste la... you can find the taste at any cheap western shop, what's special is the watermelon and nice deco plates lo...

From Valentine Day~!

Then this is my dish,seafood pasta. The noodle is tasteless, not fragrance at all and the grill sea food didn't blend in the pasta and the sea food's ratio is not balance.and it is even bad when it is cold

From Valentine Day~!

This is lamb rice..aiyor forgotten the name. But the person who ate this said the meat made him wanna puke. Why? coz it is too much for him... and also not fragrance AT ALL

From Valentine Day~!

This is grill fish. Seems ok but the fish seems too dry and hard, like mine grill fish on pasta. Again no fragrance

From Valentine Day~!

This is squid pasta, didn't taste it but the appearance aren't really good right?

From Valentine Day~!

but the interior design of the restaurant is very chio..

From Valentine Day~!

this is money tray leh..

From Valentine Day~!

There goes my 12 hours of valentine's day, had fun hahaha... with my pet son..XD and seisyun

From Valentine Day~!

the end

我回来了。。。

2009-02-09T18:34:00.003+09:00

差不多两年在外留学的我。。回到了家乡的心情真是难以形容。
尤其是好朋友纷纷打电话来问候。
发现了，大家的生活都有很大的改变，好怕跟不上大家的脚步。
给好久不见的老师打了个电话，那个单身主义的人竟然快结婚了。。
听了当然很开心，但也觉得，身边的人真的不一样了。
但是，他们对我的关心，还是没变。一点都没有。太感动了。。。
尤其是老师说的一句：“okaeri"(欢迎回来），我听了都差点掉泪。。好感动。。
老师的关心还在。。老师没把我给忘了。。。
希望我能够继续得到他们的关心，，哈哈，我很贪心。但我也很希望，我也能够继续
关心他们，我不想我们的友谊也随着生活而改变，生活可以改变，但我们的关系不能～！！
在外国留学的我，深深的感受到，友谊这一个东西的意义，一旦拥有它，我再也不想失去它。。
みんな、ただいま〜！！

2009, what will be waiting for me...?

2009-01-08T22:40:00.003+09:00

my 1st post in year 2009..^^
there are lot's of things i need to ask myself..
Am i loyal? i think i am...am i?
Am i young? young?hell yesh~!!
Do i want to try a new relationship? A little bit..
Am i happy now? Well not bad, but still searching for something that i am searching..
Am i grabbing on to my life? Some how i am...
Do i have other new stuff to try? Hells yesh~!! tons of it!!!

Just came back from Tokyo. Went there alone to meet my nest friends. see mun, ban fan and jun..
miss them so freaking much. Going there alone, hanging out with friends made me realize how
much i do treasure the friendship between us, i could miss Gackt's concert, Disney sea, Ueno park
but not wanting to miss meeting them.

I found out i actually love being alone, me and my own emotion. Being drown into my own thoughts.
Thoughts that no one else shall know...

I found out that i love using my eyes to take photos and my brain as a photo album.
Went to Tokyo and brought a camera with me, but i didn't take a single photo...
but i do remembered every moment i spent my time with my dearest friends..

And i found out that i still love the big city, busy streets, crowded places.....
i found out i need excitement of the big city or i will sooner or later dry out..
I found out that i still need to play more before i seattle down...
Hell, i hope see mun can find a recording company job in japan so i can come down to meet her anytime..
i hope fan can get a balance in his life, don't work too much and sayang me more..^.^
i hope ban don't fool around so much and get a real girlfriend and sayang me more..^.^
i hope jun can be successful in his music career so i can write lyrics for him if he wants..haha
i hope sho can get happiness from her baby... and hope she can be happy forever..
i hope son is having a great life as well
i hope kei can achieve her dreams
and i hope i can qualify for the rm4600 scholarship....
Hope 2009 is a good year for me~!!!!!お願いします

What i found out on Christmas eve

2008-12-25T01:56:00.003+09:00

Look how time flies by... My second white christmas here.
Last christmas was working like hell so i don't really notice "Christmas"
But this year as a jobless person, i realize so many thing just on christmas eve...
1) Loneliness is such a pain in the ass... everyone around me are saying how lonely they are..
2)A story about a b**** and a son of a b****. That son of a b**** sure isn't the guy whom i
expected him to be, wasted my admiration on him. cool guy but so xia jian...never thought
that he is interested in slut... OMG~!!=.=
3)No people actually reply sms. T^T. thought i didn't reply some sms as well..m(_ _)m
4) I was hoping for excitement..
5) Hope someone whom i didn't expect to call..OTL
What the heck i don't know.. but i am sure the people around did not have a good christmas eve..?
oh well, maybe some photos might cheer things up?

xmas tree decorate by pro

VS

xmas tree decorate by me and friends

baskin robins^.^.. japanese sure love christmas stuff but i doubt that they know the true meaning of christmas..@@

hohoho~!

I actually found a Ryuichi fans^^...AH RU~!

i sure hope life can be as pretty and complete as purikura does..v,v but i do know i can't live without purikura~!
Coz it make me feel confident..hehe.. i am pretty as well^^

Merry Christmas~!!!!

WUAAAA 龍一！！誕生日おめでとうございます

2008-12-17T23:05:00.003+09:00

TODAY is Ryu chan's 23rd birthday....
wonder what is he doing... i know i am so damn busy that i forgot
to celebrate Ryu chan's birthday T^T... gomen nasai m(_ _)m
I am so buys, 24hours a day is so not enough for me..
I got so many photos to post, so many things to blog...
but there is just no time for me to post a long, long one....
maybe after this week christmas party i will be free maybe just for a little bit..
Oh sometimes i just don't know i want a busy life or not... but whatever i am STILL young...
Well ryu chan enjoy your birthday^.^

緒方龍一様へ：
誕生日おめでとうございます。。できれば、なにが送り差し上げたいな。。
来年きっとするからです！！もう２３歳ですね、もう大人ですね。。
本当におめでとうゴザイマす。ご機嫌よ

ファンのシューキより

Trick-o-Treat~!!(finally..=.=)

2008-11-09T21:49:00.004+09:00

been wanting to post this since the day after we trick-o-treating...
BUT I JUST CAN'T COLLECT ALLL OF THE PHOTOS I WANTED TO POST..
so... FINALLY i got it now^^

Trick-o-treating sure is fun when you get to scare someone...hahaha...
i know it i bad but it is damn funny...XD..sorry guys~!!love ya~!!hahah

First the monsters: Alicia:Hugging monster, Me: Little devil, Vincie:Vampire

and then the victims... nyek~nyek~nyek~

May senpai, her first reaction after being shocked my Vampire Vince was hug Vince tightly.. hahah so cute. But she says she was glad we came coz she thought she had to spend halloween alone AGAIN...awwwwwww T^T

Ah ru, open her eyes big when saw me, hahaha, so cute~!!!

CK senpai~!! Love him the most.. always been kind to us, didnt shocked him much though...X.X

This little junior of us, Qiao Ling..She slammed the door on our face once she saw us and scream like hell while telling others who are in her room.. that is the reaction we want gal~!XD

FFK QUEEN~!! Perry Ong Siew Peng, she promised to joined us but in the end.........>=(..ah well got lost of treats from her

Dearest president, went so excited when she saw us..haha.. scolded us coz we didn't ask her to join us. But next year we will do it again, so Suu yin don't worry...=)

Got the coolest "SHOCKED" expression ever, our one and only leng cai jun hyung opak~!! And then he went to wake his room mate up so that we can scared him too..... bad bad jun hyung pak..XD

Poor 小林老师..just woke up and was scared by us...hahaha.. became so energetic after that, even treat us apple juice..hehehe

There are so much more other victims( about 20 person i think..) but i can't paste all of their photos here, coz i have to edit it etc etc.... no time...need to study...XD...But anyway, got lots of treats^.^

I love this devil horn head gear, Hyde from Laruku has a same one too...XD

Trick-o-Treat ROCKzzzzz~!!!!FuUUUUuuUu~!!!!

HoHoHo~!!HaPpY HaLlOwEeN!!XD

2008-10-30T14:15:00.002+09:00

Never celebrated halloween before, but japanese do celebrate this festival.
Even if they don't, the street's, shop's houses decoration all changed due to this festival.
Of course i joined the fun as well, but i found something so cute and yummy~!!!

WELCOME TO BASKIN ROBINS~WEHEHEHE

Give a round of applause to the one and only HALLOWEEN SUNDAE >+)

Closer look

the yummy moon cookie

the choc cat

the pumpkin flavor pumpkin choc

and there are some brownies on it..YUMMY~!!! It cost me rm12 but...but..but.....the temptation is too strong..haha
the flavor of the ice-cream is vampire's blood and rum raisins. Vampire blood, witch potion, pumpkin fun these 3 flavor
is made specially for halloween~!!I LOVE JAPAN~!!

I am one of GACKT's DEARS =3

2008-10-19T20:29:00.006+09:00

Damn i am so freaking happy~!!!!!!
Received a package from Gackt's official fan club today~!!!XD
When i open it......

THE OFFICIAL FAN CLUB MAGAZINE~!!!!

this made me so freaking happy~!!KIYAAAAA
ps:the message on the card is "You can go forward with a blast, i said that didn't i?This feeling"

AND THIS MAKES ME WANNA PEE IN MY PANT~~WAAAA
THE CARD~!!!
OMG I AM SO GOING CRAZY@@

FINALLY~!!!!!!!!MY DREAMS CAME TRUE!!!!i want to thank my family my friends my hubby~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@#$%^(MAD)

Dominique~!!

2008-10-15T22:34:00.002+09:00

To my friend Domi, bet you in the plane going back to France.
Really time passes damn fast, remembering the time when you first
came into the class, introducing yourself as a law student, OMG, admired you didn't i.
and then learning france from you sure is fun. Couldn't remember everything..gomen..>.<
There is a thousand words i my heart wanted to tell you how grateful i am to have a friend like you
i hope i send my thousand words in the hug i gave you before you departure from Aomori.
All the best in whatever you do, when you get marry please invite me and I SURE WILL VISIT
YOU IN FRANCE AFTER I GRADUATE~@@@ WAHAHAHA~!!

BON VOYAGE COPAIN OR AMI

5 incredibly shocking facts about myself

2008-10-11T16:43:00.006+09:00

Never knew it until i heard it from other people whom i didn't really know them.

1) I am lovable.
2) If they have to choose a girl among us(all of my girl friends), i am their first choice
3) I "small" and "weak" appearance makes guys wanted to protect me
4) Guys sayang me a lot (As a sister or other reason i don't know la..)
5)I have a breath taking smile (O.O|| really?)

Waa, heard from my senior yesterday makes me so shocked.
Though others says he like me, so they made me hug him hahaha.
Sure is fun to see him blush, because he had a really cool appearance.
Maybe it is because of alcohol, makes me more crazy and kissed his face.
But for me, i am just playing and fooling around. And in europe people kissed
friends face to show warmness, so i don't think there is anything wrong.

But, i think people from KL sure is open minded. I didn't say all of them are
like that but as far as i know, those KL friends of mine here in Aomori are like that.haha crazy and funny.

oh well, the main point is, i didn't really know i am that
famous among guys. I know i my be cute but i don't think most guys will fall for me from the first sight coz i don't make up, i act like a guy sometimes and i don't have a sexy body.... or maybe i know too little about guys? I don't know, maybe i should be more proud of myself...hahaha

Banana Craze~?@@

2008-10-09T23:01:00.004+09:00

two weeks ago, i really saw something that i couldn't believe
even though i saw it with my own eyes....

these are the photos i took from the 2 largest supermarket from my area....
Yes, those banana are sold out~!!!!
When my senior(the monkey queen) told me she hadn't ate banana for a week...
i almost had my jaws on the floor...O,O|| she wouldn't miss eating banana...

The reason for this outgrageous fenomena is::::::::: On a TV Show, it was said that banana is good for diet.
And after that the banana sold out like hot cakes...better than hot cakes i bet..@@
OMG~!!! why people here so kia su? But i think it only last for two weeks....
BEH TAHAN~!!!!

Take my out on a Date

2008-09-22T17:50:00.002+09:00

It's been so long since i have gone out for a date
Got to know some cute guys lately why don't one of them
take me out for a date.. hahaha(kidding)

But for what i know, japanese guy sure is shy. Many of
them won't confess to the girl they love, but, wait for that
girl to confess to them IF the girl feel the same way..

Gosh, from some japanese guys i know, they all did the same thing.
really felt weird. If you found someone you like and you want him/her
to be yours, why don't you make an action. Chances goes by and never come
back you know? Maybe that is why no one asked me for a date then.. hahah.

How does a date look like? Window shopping, movies, dinner?
in japan theme park, puri kura, karaoke, dinner is more like it.
i guess, but i do like watching movie at home so i can curl up beside him.
you can't do that in a cinema can you?

Anyway, i am hungry, i wonder if i can drink alcohol later.
Having a drinking party with classmate later.
It's kind of japanese tradition or whatever, if you want to know them better
use nominication( nomi=nomimasu=drink) better than communication .

I love Matsuri~!

2008-09-19T00:29:00.002+09:00

Matsuri means festival in japanese, i love it.....
because there you can find some cute and cut things that thought you can only see it on TV...
just like this apple candy, they really took an apple to coat with candy....

upside-down apple

there... looks more like apple

To get to the apple, it took me freaking 2 hours to eat it..@@
from walking through the stalls

until returning to car

FINALLY

and they really have those store who sells mask...=3

and rainbow ice-cream(but it is call fireworks ice-cream in japan)

and little cute head gear....i bought a devil horn..XD i am such a lil devil..ehehe

ahahaha.... i love masturi..=3...

i need money

2008-09-07T15:45:00.004+09:00

i really need to save up to go to tokyo for gackt's concert.
Damn but i turned down 3 jobs that is offered to me
1) Hotel as receptionist. Reason : Too far, no transport in winter, do as much work as an average full-timer but
will be getting salary as much as a part-timer. For god's sake i am only one year student, don't think i need
this experience as much as those who are near to graduation.

2) Unknown sushi shop intro by my ex-boss : Well it sounds weird already. My ex-boss really like having
foreign students as his part time worker but i don;t think other shop does. And he doesn't know that sushi
shop's boss very well, but yet keep urging the sushi shop's boss to hire me. WTF i don't want like that la,
just feels so weird.

3) Ramen shop which i am replacing my friend just for one week. Yesterday the boss ask me if i wanted to
work there after only 3 days she met me. Reason : The work she offers is as a dish washer, yea means my job is
only to wash dishes. No my hands will be rotten. And the most important thing is, this ramen shop is somehow
"rival" between the ramen shop i worked before.

There you go... so crappy. Went interview twice and called up mcd once. The most shitty one is McD.
the dick head japanese heard that i am a foreign student quickly she deny that there is a vacancy.
I saw the banner on the table while i was eating at McD with my own bloody eyes la wei~!
so shit....... am i asking too much>? should i just go work as a dish washer and get my hand rotten.
i do admit that i make decisions base on my senses.
but heck i still need money~!!
ganbarimasu

HAPPY MERDEKA~!!

2008-08-31T03:02:00.003+09:00

ok my last blog was a bit childish and naive i suppose.
Well i should say thank you to him because..
Thank you for not being selfish and letting me come to Japan.
Thank you for letting me open up my eyes that you are not suitable for me
Thank you, not for you i wont have an EX
Thank you for letting me know your mum because she cares for me a lot
Thank you for letting me go as now i had found someone more suitable for me than you
Thank you for finding yourself a new gf whose name is more normal than me(that is not mocking though
just it makes me feel better..hehehehe)
Well at last thank you MALAYSIA for giving birth to me, to give me and my family shelter, for letting me
learned multi languages, to have good food..etc
At the end, Selamat Hari Merdeka Ke-51

There is no so call FOREVER LOVE

2008-08-27T14:55:00.004+09:00

Well you know humans, they tend to say words that they didnt mean it.
Some lies, mocking, even love vows.
So, here is my story. I left my ex-boyfriend after i came to Japan
because i didn't want him to wait for me. To make him give up, i told
him that I fell in love with another guy.(I am not acting noble here).
So, he presist and told me that he will wait for me, he can't never ever accept
another girl in his life blah blah blah...Hello..i also had my heart
broken when i leave you and seeing you kept teling me those words
that made me felt even bad. Then, after 2 months i broke up with him,
i did find myself a new boyfriend, which i think i am better off with him
than the previous one, and there goes my prove to my ex-boyfriend that i do have a new bf with my previous boyfriend pictures and stuff.
I really pray for my ex-boyfriend happiness. I don't want him to keep hanging on on me.Though after 2months of breaking up he stil send me emails saying that he hadn't forget me and other shit..
But then lately i heard from my friend that he is courting a new girl
same age as him and he said if he succeed in courting this new girl
she will be his last(Well that is what he told me before duh~!) I was instanly
happy for him, though i thought his might now realise his vows before are dumb and shitty..But whatever. I am waiting for him to confess that he was stupid last time and now he found himself a new chick, what did i told him earlier was right .BUT now i saw in his MSN Messenger Nick name whre there is a line that goes like this
"IVAN LOVE(OH ITS A HEART SHAPE) SEE WAN"

OK LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR, YOU MIGHT THINK THAT I AM JEALOUS OR WHATEVER
BECAUSE MY EX GOT HIMSELF A NEW GIRLFRIEND WHICH HE DESERVE OR ANY OTHER
CRAP,YOU ARE DAMN WRONG.

I am just bloddy digusted by human like him. oh maybe there are a lot of
freaking humans that is like him. Blah i don't care but don't you think he
need to tell me that he had a new gf? He hadn't talked to me in msn messenger like for centuries and 10minutes ago he talked to me and then i saw that bloody nickname.
And he acts as if there is nothing happen, don't care to tell me the good news,
as if i am his "frien"d...yea he said he will be my best friend. Is that what best friend do? Oh go kill yourself, showing off to me aren't you? Well C1 is your love right?You are to digusting to talk to me or be my best friend. You really digust me, i feel like puking.

-The End-

Nebuta (Japan 3rd largest summer festival)

2008-08-07T17:22:00.002+09:00

Well Nebuta(ねぶた) is actually is a warrior thing. It was said it was created by Genrel Tamuramaro
in the early 800's. Well they created Nebuta to frighten enemies as you can see why
the Nebuta's statues had frightening faces. Well my university insist us(foreign students)
to join the crowd and dance along with the Nebuta's during the festival had open up
a great opportunity to get closer to one of Japan's great culture. Though i didn't took much photos
but here is some of it...

The full dress of Aomori's yukata(you can say kampung style..thanks to WristBusukMan)

This we call the 'FLOAT' of Nebuta. As it moves we will dance in front of it

Night view

This is the Warrior..scary face...>.<

Besides the warrior there are always animals like tiger, dragon an so on

The 'FLOAT' is moved by man power...@@.. strong~!

And the music crew, blowing flutes and drums. Children are one of the team as well

Damn i love FIREWORKS~!!!!

2008-08-02T00:50:00.002+09:00

Went to Asamushi onsen today to watch a fireworks competition^.^
Japan's fire works are so pretty, though it is not the best ones yet.
But japan are famous for fireworks, they export fireworks actually to many countries O.o
I took some photo's with my phone(i don't have camera yet..T^T)

And those i like the most

freaking pretty...=^.^=

Life's like this

2008-07-19T00:08:00.003+09:00

I am turning 21st this year.
Woah i am already an adult. not a child anymore.
its has been a hard month for me.
Due to examination, i wanted to score well, so i am busy with
making note etc etc to be prepared for the exam.

My emotions are like a roller coster ride,especially this week.
My favorite grand father passed away this monday on the 14th July.
When the message reached me, my emotion went crazy.
My mind went blank.
Untill today i feel like crying, even though i wanted to send him off
with a smile...

His body will be returning to mother nature today.
When i knew that i will never be able to see his face for the last time,
i cried myself to sleep last night.I am in Japan currently.
Fuck the exams, Fuck the bad things happen on the Fucking bad timing.
I wasn't to allowed to go home right now as my duty right now is to study hard.Fuck that too.

That is why i am studying harder than usual, i wanted to do my best to score in exams.
It seems like i am paranoid studying japanese civil law with those complicated kanji's.
i looked ok, it seems that i am fine. Fooling around and laughing with friends.
Deep down inside i am a mess, crying like a mad person. i had lost myself in myself.

My friend told me that, it is something we can't help. Studying abroad makes u loose something.
Fuck that as well.

I must be strong, be strong. Maybe i will get better after seeing the sea.
Controlling emotions is what adults do right?

GACKT HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2008-07-04T14:31:00.002+09:00

It is another Gackt`s birthday.
this will never change, but what changes is
i am in japan,breathing the same air with him,hehehe
and i can send my present just a day before his birthday.
Unlike in Malaysia i have to send out the present one month earlier
if i want it to reach Gackt`s hand on time.>.<.so sad...
But anyway ....

GACKT HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Japanese,Weird or Outstanding?

2008-03-20T23:47:00.004+09:00

Work is sure hetic in japan.even though you are just
a normal waitress. Working everyday and being busy
with piano lessons, hanging out and so on.
School is starting soon but i am not sad. i want school
to start soon SO I DONT HAVE TO WORK EVERYDAY~!
i didnt mean working is not good because in japan
even as a part-timer they will pay you well.
just that you have to be prepare to be able to
be in two place in one time,have 5 hands 4 ears 3 eyes
and sweet smile to all kind of customer.
Japanese sure is weird, even thought they doesnt like
that person or find that person annoying they still can
laugh along with them everytime.Maybe that is why
japanese customer service is the best i bet.
Weird or outstnading?

some stuff i took as well i really cant decide..
japanese are weird or outstanding?

i dont know what you call this in english
but in cantoness we call it lai liu har.
it suppose to have a soft shell and its pretty hard to
peel it off perfectly but i wonder how the japanese
peel it off without a scratch and put it on a sushi?

nothing special about this bowl of ramen(noodless)
but the name is kitsune ramen aka fox noodless.
haha kinda cute.it is because of the two piece of brown fried
tou-fu on top.that is why they call its fox ramen.haha

this,hahaha..i am speechless when i saw this actually.
black and red tissue paper. yea you will use that
to wipe the s#$% out of your a$$ with either black or blood red.
and its darn expensive 3 rolls for 1000yen or RM30.
...speechless...

i wonder is you can see the word KUNANG-KUNANG.
i bet if you can recall kunang-kunang is firefly in malay.
what is so special about this shop?BECAUSE IT IS IN JAPAN.
omg a malay name shop in japan?@@ and its in AOMORI a small city
compare to tokyo...where some people dont even know where the hell
is Malaysia.well this shop is selling things from south-east asia.
hmm....

Me ~Cooking~hahahaha

2008-02-24T00:31:00.002+09:00

i know..i am laughing at myself as well.
Hell i am learning to cook now and i actually like it.
Man~!i never ever i mean NEVER EVER walk into the kitchen
showing interest when my maid or my mum is coooking.
i think cooking will make my shirt stinks.
But hey~!i am into cooking now..i even make pan cakes@@
now i am kinda carzy of making sushi.
well 1st time sushi is damn ugly but then..it became better
wahahha....i knew i can do it....*getting excited*

1st time making sushi

2nd time making sushi

3rd time making sushi

4th time making pro sushi..hehe

closer look

bihun goreng~!!!!XD

mashed potato

A type of clam..damn good(half eaten ehehe)

DIY cheese cake...easy^.^

suki in cooking...ahaha i still think it is funny...
what will my mum think?hahaha

The day where Love is Bless..

2008-02-16T17:43:00.002+09:00

too bad i hadn't post this blog on valentine's day.
i was too busy making chocolates for my room mates
and in the evening we went to shopping mall
near our school to have dinner and do some shopping.
And we took sticker photo.
Well it was a fun day.The funniest part is we prank
another guy friend by faking the love letters and stuff.
actually it was all made by me..wahahaha....>=)
i bet until today he will be wondering who sent him that chocolate.hahaha

~The Mold~

Wrote my name for testing..hehe

Ugly but eatable..>.<

Closer look at the ugly chocos

Well but i like this one a lot(the middle one)

Closer look~1^.^

the prank choco..bwahahaha

1998~2007 Bell Constantine Chappi. Rest in Peace

2008-02-10T02:31:00.000+09:00

At this moment i am actually quite speechless.
Gackt's miniature dachshund-Bell Constantine Chappi aka Bell

has passed away. I know you might say it is none of my business
but Gackt business is kind of my business as well..right?
Well i know the lost of th pet you loved so damn much.I had a rabbit pet which i call them
rabbit(lame..=.=)thy pass away after accompanying me for 7 years. It was so sad for me.
But the fact is animals do move on faster than human. We cannot change the fact but we just
cant stop ourselves from being sad or cry.Well i cried for my rabbit as well.
As for Gackt case,i bet he will smile instead of crying. He will send Bell of with a smile
and may God bless her rest in peace in heaven.

In loving memories

A new beginning ?

2008-02-06T23:44:00.000+09:00

Happy Chinese New year to all my family and friends.
It is 2 minutes to 7th of Feb.
This is my first time spending my Chinese new year far away from my family.
i just have a little feeling inside of me that after coming to japan,i changed.
my thoughts,the things that i did and the things i want to do. Everything
seems to be different.
I broke up with him of course. A guy that i loved so much for the pass 2 years.
A guy that i almost gave up coming to japan. I am glad he is a good guy.
He never wanted me to give up my dreams for him. And he is right. i will
regret if i do not come to japan. But than, because of his generosity, he lost me.
From the moment i cant answer him when he asked me if i love him i know i
am evolving to another me.A new me.
After i come to japan,my desire for freedom grown from 50% to 200%.
And i am ok if there is no one beside me. i am able to face anything alone.
no matter in a snowy day

or an unlucky day

i still can find the one that i am looking for

i have hurt him a lot i know.
but deep down inside my heart, i felt that my life has just began.
i am walking into a future that i do not know.i future that my heart longed desire
but never reveal is now showing itself.

A new me has born.

white birthday?

2007-11-24T00:40:00.000+09:00

half an hour has passed since the first minute on my birthday.
such and extraordinary alien feeling i am having now.
i wanted to spend my birthday a lone.. along with the snow that is falling outside..
maybe i am too far away from the people i wanted to spend m birthday with.
when its snowing on christmas people called it white christmas..
when its snowing on birthday.. shall i call it white birthday?^.^

first day of snow...damn hard..that guy in the pic i pity him a lot..

view from my dorm.. on the 11th floor

after the snow storm.. this is what that is left

this is the time when you can go make snowman and snow fight^.^
(ps:kei,the snow man is for you.. hehe)

snow secene?

2007-11-17T00:58:00.000+09:00

its called first snow over here..
well i dont quite know if that is the correct translation..>.<
anyway,this is the first time in my life that i saw snow..
made me wonder..mother nature is really something special.
imagine when you are in class and suddenly white flakes
are falling...
i cant really find a word to describe how i feel.
the feeling i have is probably out of this world..
only one thing...its really cold over here..
well one thing's for sure..
i will be having a white birthday...
because i will be spending my birthday with snow falling outside.

in another words...cold and lonely?

New fresh air

2007-11-01T23:49:00.000+09:00

Yup, i am breathing in aomori, japan.
Same air that i breath with Gackt, Glay and W-inds.haha.
It's been a month since i first reach japan.
I miss my family n my darling and my friends a lot..
and of course Malaysian food.
Besides food, Malaysian are multi-lingual as well.
That is why Malaysian in my University,most of them are
top students.
Studying in Japan is not as fun and lucky as poeple think.
firstly, we have to learn japanese and make it really fluent.
secondly, all our studies and reports must be in japanese, not to say the
text book.
thirdly, we need to have a part time job.things in Japan are as expensive
as expected.
But anyway, i am already here in japan.I am living my dream by be here.
What more can i say but to try my best huh?

below are red leaves scenery in autumn as if now...

scene from the bridge

scene from the garden

scene from the lake

Paradox~!

2007-09-27T22:20:00.000+09:00

パラドクスが欲しい。
何処か行きたい
アイスクリムを食べたい
コンサートへ見たい
遠いし、綺麗だし、静かだし、知り合い人がない場所へ行きたい。
ギータを弾きたい
音楽聞いたら踊りたい
あああああ。。。。。もう頭がペラペラになりました。
離れる気持ちは悪い！！
ヤバいわ！涙が出たから眼鏡が汚いになりました。T＾T

雨の中に、夢があります

2007-09-26T00:41:00.000+09:00

今外出、雨が降っています。よかったですね！二日かんには、とても暑かったです。その暑さはたいへん。もういい。。。
その天気がいらない。もういい。。。その気持ちがいらない。
雨が降ったら、全部ものを洗ってあげる。空も、道も、気持ちも。
もうすにほんへ行く。悲しいよ！カウん四日ぐらい。もうすぐ出発するので寂しいです。
ああ、雨が止めた。寝よう！

I love Music

2007-08-31T14:55:00.000+09:00

OMG~!Wednesday i went to my guitar's teacher's live band. They are playing jazz all the way.
From that moment i truly fell in love with live music or maybe live bands.
Yesterday i went to my classmate's concert as well. I really have no regrets going there..
even though i have to lie to my parents. Because the concert at Klang and
it would be impossible if they ever let me go there.I din't say lying to parents is a
good thing. But sometimes you just need to follow your heart.
That is why i went there.... And man i had a great time~!!
Jun jun was so great on his guitar. I hit my lap until it was bruise..
haha crazy but i don't care. That happens when i am all so into the music.
Jun jun's guitar skills really did amaze me. and his passion for music can be seen when
he is playing the guitar. You can just feel it.
Argh i am crazy over music i love music.
Why am i taking business law course?

~Countdown~

2007-08-06T02:34:00.000+09:00

One week of holiday.
About 2 month from now I am going to Japan. I am just counting down the days,
Hours minutes and seconds. To be honest, i am not prepared. I am still worried,
I still can't pull my self-confidence out of my freaking soul that I am also capable
in speaking Japanese and also study in Japan University.
Counting...5..4..3..2..1...
OK! I am scared, unprepared. My head is full of question mark
Why if the future still so blur to me? Why i can't get hold of my own freaking life,
What I want? What I should do, which is the right choice I should make?
WTF, my mind is really a mess. I am halfway studying for my freaking test, which is
Like 2 days away? And I am hooked to a new (well for me it is) anime call Zombie-loan.
It’s late now. I know I will not get enough sleep already for tomorrow's class.
Even my live-her-life-like-an-owl-classmate went to bed.
I am the only one left online with notes on my desk and Zombie-loan episode 3 loading.
Well, as far as I know I m talking crap. i should go rest my brain, or maybe my eyes.
Jya oyasumi. Minna ga aishiteru yo~!

No music No life~!

2007-07-13T22:43:00.001+09:00

It's true.
I love music so damn much.
I love to sing, i love to play guitar.
I love to write lyrics and hell i hope so much that i can compose.
I met quite a lot of people who really love music and listen to music
not just with their ears, but with their heart. They feel the music,
the enjoy it, they translate the notes into feelings.
Well, i am glad i met these 2 person(well 2 person who has passion
for music is already enough and you have to see how damn much they love music.
one, a very skillful guitarist, wanted a band, a rock band. Another guy, he is
good in singing.All he wanted is to be a producer.)
Besides, they are working towards their dreams.These are what i call people who
loves music.
I don't have the gust like them. I have to fulfil my parents need first, and than
i will work towards my dream. I don't know how my future will be,
but i really hope it is the one i want.
I don't have much to say actually. I simply just love music,I can't imagine living
my life without them.
i love music, i love music, i love music....

Will it Change my life forever?

2007-05-24T20:40:00.000+09:00

I am going crazy, first i am blogging from my office which it is against the rule, and wild thoughts just running through my head and i think i am going crazy.

Yesterday, which is my mum's birthday as well, i received a call telling me that i got a japan scholarship.which is I AM GOING GOT JAPAN'S UNIVERSITY TO STUDY BUSINESS LAW FOR 4 YEARS!

There i said it. And why am i going crazy?It is because this is a chance that most of the people dying for, and i have the thoughts in my head of not going, well its 50-50. i wanted to go i don't want to go as well.

The reason i wanted to go is, i am so into japan, my idols are Japanese, i love their culture. And going there to study ensure me to learn their language and of course going to concerts, shopping for Cd's(oh that is the most wanted thing i want to do!). and i get to study Law as well.Oh! almost forgot,i can make my parents proud too, if i go.

The reason i don't want to go is, i will miss Malaysia dearly, the food, my bed, my family, my friends and the most highlights my boyfriend. I love him dearly and i am sure to miss him very very much when i go there(the coldness of the winter makes you felt even more lonely).And i am going to learn Law in Japanese. Can you imagine it?Learning something you don't know in a language you don't really know.Maybe its me who don't have faith in myself, oh damn it!

Seems like a great debate here.I wanted to go and yet i don't want to go.Making this decision does really make a big different in my life.I wonder how it will be if i go and how it will be if i don't.

Would i miss something in my life of my family, lover and friends if i go?4 years is not a short period.

Would i regret that in my old days i keep have that picture in my head of me studying in japan and i will die for if i were to given a second chance if i did not go?By then i will only have regrets but no turning back.

My boyfriend said that the bright side of this is our love can be tested and we will know it is our destiny to be together. And also this 4 year time is the time for both of us to prepare for our future. He will work harder and earn more, on the other hand i will do my best to finish my studies.But the bad side is we barely can meet each other...Can you imagine it?i don't want to.

DILEMMA~!!!!!

SAD but Smile

2007-04-17T23:38:00.000+09:00

just heard a sad news from Kei...
Bou is leaving an cafe~!!
I am really sad and felt that no one can ever take over Bou place in an cafe...
But i will support him, may he do well in future.
I bet all fans will smile for him as well...
30th of april.Bou's graduation from an cafe..omedetto gozaimasu.

Really glad you are in an cafe..no one can ever replace that Bou of an cafe in my heart.All the Best^.^

I am still alive

2007-04-14T00:48:00.000+09:00

i don't know why, lately its like i have a lot to think about,
Maybe i am too busy at work. And i don't think i earn enough to fulfill my lust..
haha i know i can be a shopaholic sometimes.

Last week, i can't really remember the date. I just know the time is (9am something.
i am on my way to work. I got molested on the train. That f***ing guy uses his
you-know-where to rub against my leg. At first i didn't notice anything, just a few guys looking at me
its like there are trying to tell me something. (oh my why didn't they do something when they saw what that
f***ing guy is doing..useless..!)..When i notice what that f***ing guy is doing on my leg i tried to move away
But too bad i didn't have enough space and nobody is trying to save me or what. Than i use my water bottle to bloc my leg
From his you-know-where touch...but he tries to move my water bottle away using his you-know-where.><
At that moment i was so damn angry, i turn around and ask him to stand back! and after that he didn't dare to touch me
So ladies, be sure if you met this kind of f***ing guys, kick them step in their feet mock them. Most importantly
Stand up for yourself; no one is going to help you unless you help yourself!

This Monday, i did a mistake at work. i pulled out a customer ordered book from the reservation counter
and yet the customer had paid a deposit for that book. i even left a remark there to not pull out the book.
i don't know why i pulled that book out. Things happen when that customer came and look for that book.
It was like chaos because it’s a big problem when we couldn't find that book. My department manager came out and explains and work things out with that customer and another manager helping me to locate that book. Eventually he did found that book. the situation is like i made this mess up and two manager's helping me and that did helped me sort things out. Or you can say clean up the mess for me. I was feeling so guilty that day. but i am really really really lucky both of them are good and holly people who doesn't scold people who are under them. not even once...
So, must be really be careful. Be sure to not make mistake when your boss you so much..

I had a fight with my parents not long ago, Last Sunday if i am not mistaken. I walk out on them when they ask me to stay at home because they bought dinner back. Hey, my mum asks me not to follow them to dinner because my dad was mad at me because i shouted at my brother. I've got nothing to eat at home. Due to that i called my Bf and he said he would take me out to eat. And THEN when my bf reaches my house my parents reach as well. My mum said they bought me food. That moment i couldn't think straight. When i am in a bad mood, i can't be at home. That narrow space at home will make my day more blue.That is why i have to get out of home and breath the air outside. Then i will be fine. they were nmad at me untill this thursday that is yesterday. But things seem to be ok now.
that is why, don't be like me. Really bad for family relationships.

This week sure is a tiring week. But hey! i am still alive. Am i stronger by day?

Dreams come true, will it?

2007-04-01T21:55:00.000+09:00

Last night i had a dream,
i dreamt i was in a ballroom, there was a stage, a low one.
there wasn't a crowd. but only 20 spectators, including me.
We were all excited because soon glay will be on stage to perform thier latest song.
I remembered when Glay came out, all of us roar with excitement..
I still remembered, Teru's hair was short..he looked really young and sporty..
I love and adore him so much. Along with Hisashi, Jiro and Takuro, the music melted our hearts..
After they finished the song, Teru said something in Japanese, and also in english. i wanted more but they left.
I was so happy when i woke up. It was my dream to meet all 3 of my idols..Glay is one of them.
i wonder if i really have a chance to meet them, i will burst out in tears. I am not a fanatic fan but i am a die heart fan.
i really do love thier songs. they gave me strenght when i was weak, they gave me hope when i don't have one,
they gave me faith when i lost my believe.
i believe in thier songs.
I am very happy eventhough it was just a dream because this kind of dream doesn't come all the time.
But it made me wonder, will dream come true? will i be given a chance to meet them?even once in my entire life?
i am wondering, hoping and praying...
I want to meet them.
Itsuka, aitai.

The courage to move on.

2007-03-14T00:03:00.000+09:00

How many times you have fall in life.
The day when you get bad results in your exams
The day your boyfriend dumped you?
The day you got fired from your job?
The day when you got slapped in your face?
The day that you lost everything?
The day when you are broke?
I met a customer today. She looks pretty ordinary when she came to the counter. her smile
is so bright that it made me felt the sunshine and the warm of it. She is just an ordinary person searching for books..
Except that she didn't tell me what book she is looking for, she wrote it on a paper and showed it to me.
Yes, she couldn't speak.
I tried to search and locate the book from my system. but i couldn't find it. I felt so sorry because i wanted
to see her excited face when she knows that the book she is looking for is available. i felt so guilty.
I stood up from the computer and speak to her to tell her i couldn't find the book because it was out of stock. She showed a sign telling me to write down what i've said just now.
Yes, she couldn't hear
i showed a sorry sign to her and again i see her smile and showing me it's ok.then again she thanked me with a smile.
At that moment i can feel the warm feeling rising up to my heart and it triggers the tears in my eyes.
In my mind i suddenly felt that i am much more weaker than she is. Her will to live has outshone my determination. I was
so worried about my results which is coming out this thursday, and i am so insecure about me getting in local universities
and so afraid that i might not cope if i were to study law courses.
What the heck is that, who cares if i got bad results in stpm? i must be grateful for what i got.
i can hear beautiful music, hear sweet talks, i can speak when i am sad, i can speak when i am happy or angry..
i am normal. and yet how dare i was to felt like i am not satisfied with my life?
This girl will have to live a soundless life, and there might be jerks that look down on them, makes them felt bad.
But she, still standing strong, smiling brightly that lighten ups everyone's day.
I know i will surely be crying my heart out if i am not on duty. i will give her a hug because i know love and support from
people are what she needs.
Thanks to her i had learned a valuable lesson in life. May god bless her, may the smile of hers never fade from her face.

My Precious friends

2007-02-25T23:21:00.000+09:00

I love my friends, my best friends. i really do.
i cant imagine my world without them. They lighted up my life.
We laughed together, cried together. We met in highschool and since then we are together always.
After highschool we still hanged out together, but after we got our final exam results we all went different ways,
going to college, University...but we never stop contacting each other and hang out once in a while
Today is the 8th day of Chinese New Year, and we(me, son, kei and nana) went to Shakey's Pizza to hang out.
We chated for hours. All those memories seems coming back to us, about what stupid
and funny things we did, what is the wildest stuff we create..our lifes..what we have been watching lately..
I found that eventhough time has changed, the places around us has changed, the people around us has changed..
but our friendship remain the same. we are still so close to each other eventhough sometimes studies will
create a distance between us, but we never feel apart. Our heart never feel that distance.
We still can chat for hours like usual, just like we did when we always hang out together.
What we think is still the same, what is funny what is hot and what is not. Our interest is still the same.,
Fashion, idols, anime...i am very very lucky to have them. I believe in fate.that is why we are so close together..
For people who is not blood-related but yet they felt like your family is someone you should cherish forever.
I found them, the precious people besides my family and xiang.
To my precious friends, ( you know who you are^.^), may our friendship last forever.

rocky mountaint

2007-02-15T21:57:00.000+09:00

Working IS tiring...now i understand why working poeple wanted alcohol..
a little bit of wine really makes you feel relief, it makes you feel calm..
though i am not a alcoholic but i do drink sometimes, after coming back from that
hetic work my desire for drinking grows even more..
I am so tired. My work is a little heavy as i am the assistant, i will help from
one person to another. when i finish one document i will go ask for another.
that is my job. I dont hate it, infact i will do whatever i can to make myself busy.
am i a working freak too?i dont know. i can do everything fast and immediately get another
thing to do. When i go for toilet its only 4minutes flat..
I am tired physically but not tired mentaly.Whenever i think of what can i do
when i get my salary i can keep on going.
i am so busy and tired untill i cant get creative again...
i am a person who is full of imagination, will work and earning money makes me dull..
will my mind drop from fantasy from reality?
i feel like i am climbing a rocky mountaint..everything in front of me isnt easy..
i need to go through alot to achieve something..
though i still dont know what is that thing

LUCKY?

2007-02-13T22:04:00.000+09:00

Am i lucky or what?
this is the 3rd part time job i got..
and i got a very very nice manager..who really treats those people under him well..
my previous jobs, my bosses are good person..really..
its kind of tough to be in a new place with new faces around...
it was really uneasy when you felt like you are in a place with strangers,
you feel so alone with no one to rely on...a caring boss will cure it all^^
i wonder what this job can lead me to, and what new experience i can get..
what i can now is work hard and lay back and see....

Oldies~renew~brand new~revive

2007-02-09T15:25:00.000+09:00

Heard an oldies on my way to an interview today, i forgot the name but the chorus
sounds like:
Why do i still loving you
When i know that you are not true
Why do i keep calling your name
When you are to blame
For making me blue..

Its short yet beautiful and meaningful, this is the attractiveness of oldies..that is why i listen to them too
(if there is any correction in the chorus above please feel free to tell me)
Got my new job in Kinokuniya, as a part time customer service assistant..
wonder how it is like..but anyhow i feel revive again..
i do not now how is this work will be and how it works.
but i am for sure that i am all alone to face any problems ahead.
i dont have any friends beside me as i am new there...
next tuesday is the day i start my new battle...for the sake of my future
i can no longer ask for money to do what i think is best for me..i need to earn in order to do what is best for me myself

Itsuka boku wa misete ageru, hikarikagayaku, sekai wo(nightmare-the world)

What i want

2007-02-05T13:06:00.000+09:00

it had been a bad day for me yesterday, it was so damn bad untill i was lazy to online and blog
My feelings back then its like i was going to kill...pretty bad huh?
I really had a lot on my mind, work, studies, future..i know thinking too much and it might make me
hard to go on in life same as worrying too much..
yesterday i had a bad day its because i can't really find what i wanted.
Mum wants the best for me
Dad wants the best for me
You want the best for me
He wants the best for me
She wants the best for me
They want the best for me
but i dont know what i want and what is best for me. All these years i have been following the path
that is been choosen aka the best for the sake of my future.
What i really wanted?i do not know...
My parents ground me for going to work, because they think it was too dangerous for me
i can understand that and i am thankful enough for them to be so concern.
Due to that i can't go to work and that means no money going in my pocket. Feeling rather down i went watching
my fav anime for now---Keroro Gunso. But my dad came along and nagged. He said i should be reading books. I felt sick
didnt i read enough for the pass two years? i felt like vomitting because i studied too much. 4 thick books of businesse studies, 6 thick books of world, Malaysia, Asia and Islamic HISTORY, the never ending general knowledge and National Language just for the sake to sit for the hardest exam in Malaysia and the 3rd in the world! STPM!
i am not a bright student or what so ever, i tried my best but i cant get flying colours..heck i am dying.
Ok enough of the studies. i offed the pc and went upstairs, thinking bout going for a movie with my brother,
i really need to get out and loosen up abit. i went over and asked my brother if he like to go for a movie with me, that's when my parents nagged at me AGAIN. they said just becasue i earn some money i wanted to spend and why cant a save up those money and why i like to wonder outside?
OK!I WANTED TO GO TO WORK YOU SAID NO, I WANTED TO STAY AT HOME AND DO THE THINGS TO RELAX MYSELF YOU NAGGED! I WANTED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HOME YOU NAGGED AGAIN! WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT? AND WHAT THE HELL DO I WANT?
i really dont know...really!i felt so bad yesterday that i screamed at my bf, i lost control.
but i felt better today. My understanding bf accompany me to places i wanted to go yesterday and my friends standing by my side, chatting with me..thankz you guys. soon i will find what i want.

Changes~

2007-02-02T12:12:00.000+09:00

i've changed the way i cover my blanket...i use to fold it twice before i cover it on top of me..
but lately i open it wide...i don't know why, because i used to feel uneasy and weird if i open it wide
but now it had change.

i've changed my message ringtone on my phone. it used to be a light, soft and short ring.
i changed it to some actionpack sound from Kamen raider's show. i don't know why i change it.
maybe its because i like Kamen raider very much. and the ringtone is way cool~!

i changed my attitude, or you can say my way.
it has been a tradition for me to buy new cloths before chinese new year..well most people do
lately i found myself having a desire to buy things with my own money, that is the money i earn from my hard work.
too bad this year i havent got my pay yet, so i dont have money to buy any new cloths.
though i wanted so much too, but i am too proud to ask money from my parents..
its kinda stupid you might say, they are your parents anyway...but i know if i borrow from them
i will be treated as a child again...i will be nag and say i havent earn any money at all and still
need thier help. oh i can remember what they used to tell me last year.

i hope changes are good for me. i dont know where they will lead me to but i hope it is true
that i believed in my own choice.

Life is like a bed of roses with torns

2007-01-28T01:10:00.000+09:00

*drip...drip*
I slowly open my eyes again and turn around, watching blood dripping from my finger tips.
I feel a little pain as soon as i saw my own blood.
I hit the wall again, i reached the end of the road again.
Open and close my eyes slowly i suck my finger softly, it hurts a little physically
but it hurts more mentally..
I am lying on a bed of roses, but with torns all around it. before i could touch
and smell the scent of the beautiful rose, i have to move my hands arouond
to feel around and get prickle by torn which revolves around it.
Life is like this, isnt it?
You will fall you will get hurt you will bleed before you can get to the
beautiful future that you hope and wish for. It really hurts sometimes.
You will need courage, bravery, patient and many more to keep you going..
After a while, i start to move my finger around again, hoping to touch that beautiful rose.
*drip...drip*
Blood is dripping again..
guess i hit the wall again.
But i will try again.Don't worry i will be fine.

Whisper of the wind

2007-01-26T14:31:00.000+09:00

It has been windy lately.
Maybe it is because Chinese New Year is just around the corner.
I love when the wind blows..when it hits upon my ear drums..
it felt so good..
That is why i love the sea too.
Standing beside the sea makes me calm,
With the wind brushing through my hair and whisper in to my ears..
With the sand underneath my feet and soft waves washing my toe
How you ever wonder the wind actually whisper..
It brought along human's wish, hope, grudge, sadness, happiness..
Listen to it carefully,you might know how lucky you are to be what you are here and now
Maybe someday you can whisper to the wind too, and let it bring to others ears...

NEw YEaR 2007~though its a bit late..

2007-01-24T04:27:00.000+09:00

hahaha i seems to be late for new year's post...
gosh i am using this blog for 2 years already...^.^
well i am not the kind of ppl who change things, place or the stuff i like fast..
i like stick to a place and like something for a very long time...
for example Gackt Glay and w-inds...i like them since i was in secondary school..
(now i am already 20)..ahahaha i am not afraid to tell everyone my age...coz i looked young
ppl said that i look more like 17...XD
well here's something i wanted to share...new pv from my fav idols..

1st up is hanamuke...sung by w-inds. i LOVE THAT SONG~!though its a bit sad..TT_TT.but
i love the part where keita singing high pitch...he is great~!!!^.^

2nd is a legendary rock band--GLAY~!!!Man!they have been a band for more than 10 years..they are awesome~!!!^.^
this song is very very light rock..and Glay style..haha..its call 100 man kai no kiss^.^

and finally Gackt~!the God..ahaha i call him that coz he looks like one...XD
perfect~!..though he still have any new pv yet..put there's some picz of his single...^.^

the white colour cover is limited edition and the black colour is normal edition..
darn i want both><

happy new year 2007 to all my beloved family and friends....and of course to my fav idols..
hope this year is a smooth year for you guys~!love ya all^.^

w-inds. CHIANG~!!!!^.^

2006-12-04T21:29:00.000+09:00

I forgot how or when i started to like w-inds...haha lately it seems like i've forgottan alot of things...
well i went to w-inds. e-cafe, my fav w-inds. forum all time and forever....because keiko chan and other admin sure
made d forum a place a w-inds. fans must be^.^...ok back to the forum surfing thingy...
as i said i went to the forum...just to update myself to w-inds. latest news and pictures...found some not so new but can consider new pictures...oh my keita has grown so so so mature~!!!^.^ and ryuichi...can see his wildness and born-to-be-rocker's side of him is more and more obvious..ryohei..well he is mature too..haha but duno why he looks the same to me..
(sorry ryohei..><" but you do looked the same...)
Keita...so mature^^
ryohei~!!cute^^
RYU CHAN~!! so hot~!!sexy~!!!cute~!!cool~!!!ARGH~!X3

and the most exciting new i saw is keita's solo album is out~!!! omedetto keita chan~!!^.~
The album's name is call Koe and it is released since 29th of November..yay~!

aiks...i wanna buy~!!!!!!!!T^T

*all news and photos from w-inds. e-cafe*

It's been a long time..a real long time...

2006-12-01T10:26:00.000+09:00

i thought i have forgotten my own blog account a second ago....hahaha seems like this blog almost become a history in my mind...
but then i remembered^^...*happy happy happy~@!* hahaha...
a lot of things happened lately...having my stpm is one of the hardest task i ever experience...
the tense the pressure were far more then i expected...there are sometimes i was about to break down..i dont want no stpm i dont want no university i dont want no law~!!!><..but i still manage to go through it~!hooray to mysefl~!!^^
something has changed too..it a best friend...imagine you have a best friend whom you spend almost everything together...
cute guys, sneak out for a movie,fashion and many other stuff....suddenly in some years you found that person is telling you lies all along...in that instant you really dont know which line of hers to believe...because she is telling you a story but infront of other best friends she told another side of the story...she hang out with the guy you another best friend likes...she hold his hand,pull him everywhere,lean on his shoulder,dance slow dance with him onfront of that another best friend of mine and they were so close AND SHE ACTED AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPEND AFTER THAT! I bet anyone of you will be scolding *F*** if you read this..really it was mine and that another best friend's of mind's feeling when she did that. She loves clubbing and hang out with guys whom she knows for one weeks, she even kissed some stranger...this is something we never thought that she become..so cheap and low standard..but we are ok with it..its her life anyway..she dances pole dance and let other guy to carry her up the stage..to dance...but she didnt trust us..let me tell you why..for of us, her ex best friends planned a surprise birthday party two weeks before her birthday. the plan is group A to kidnap her close her eyes and tie up her hand. then we will carry her out of the car when we reached zoo. and inside the zoo right infront of the entrance group B will light up the cake and then that is wehn we will open her eyes and realese her...everything went smoothly and we reached zoo as normal...when we carried her out..she starts to struggle and she when mad and start to shout out loud to scold us.that moment we dont know what to do but released her...that day no one is happy...we've plan it so hard just to surprise her and what we get is she shouting at us?and here is the link that we are very dissapointed and mad is that she let a GUY whom she knows for few weeks carry her up the stage to dance pole dace RATHER THAN letting us whom she knows for many years carry her into the zoo to give her a surprise....oh isnt it F***ing when you think about it...it seems like our friendship towards her is worthless when she found some other thing that she thinks is more fun than hagging out with us that is clubbing...
many people advise us to just let her go let her fall and let her learn..but they didnt understand the pain we are facing because that is someone you loves to much as a friend. When you love someone so dearly and that love is been betray and tunr into a priceless junk..that is when that love turn in to hate...i hope i wont come to hate her...this is because now i am just treating her as a normal friends, because she didnt do anything that off the limit for me to hate her NOW...i mean NOW but i didnt mean in the future she wont..as i said i have lost my faith in her...

Friendship is something sweet and something pretty
if you lost he faith you have in each other,
somehow you are not meant to be...

Passive Malaysian

2006-04-30T22:42:00.000+09:00

i am just being straight...but i do am dissapointed by the passive attitude of Malaysians...
i thought people who love Gackt will support me in making a 100% Malaysian Gackt Community...am i too naive to think that i am able to achieve this dream?i don't know..its just i wanted to do something for Gackt, or maybe i wanted him to know in Malaysia there's a group of fans that love and support him all the time. Eventhough we are so far from him, but we will still continue to support and give him all the love we can give to him no matter what. He is just someone we will respect all the time...
I manage to collect 30 person message to send to Gackt for his birthday last year, this year i am on again but collecting only signature...but i get a cold respond from the fans even those who joined me last year. I am really dissapointe...i really am...i know everyone is busy studying, working and stuff, but all i can say if, if you have the determination to send me that signature, you can manage to send..busy is merely an excusse..sometimes i just wanted to give up..but when i look at Gackt pictures and those who already sent thier signature to me and for those who really cared...i held on....

ps:maybe i might offend someone with my words..sorry for that..>.< and for those who support and believe in our dream to create a community in Malaysia for Gackt..thankz so much~!^.^

love letter

2006-03-04T18:54:00.000+09:00

Lover letter, its been awhile since i Gackt singing that song. It always touches my heart, bring me back to the time where love is so pure and down to earth, back to the time whene e-mails, telephones are not created, a time where poeple write love poems and love letter to confess their love. It is just simply touching...Gackt nail it...he can really go deep down inside your heart, and make you realise which is your own ture self...

eien wo aruitte yukeru
korekara mou zutto futari de
kono mune ni tsuyoku dakishimete
omoi waka wa ranai kanaka hitotsu dakara
aishiteru

That chorus was the best~! Gackt san i will always support you, you always help me find the real me, gave me strenght to go on and the strenght to beat the odds. As you once said, "if you put your mind in it, you can achieve anything!"
Arigatou ne~! Gackt san

*the love letter lyric is not copied. i wrote down base on what i hear from the song

Long time no see

2006-03-02T22:08:00.000+09:00

It's been awhile since i make a visit here....
i kinda miss it here...where i use to write my emotions,feelings in a beautiful way...hahahaha
well life was busy for me..and things just change in a blink of eyes.....its already 2006 you know..
never thought that time pass so fast that i am in my final year of my stpm..that is my major exams...and school activities, i can not not to be involve...school had its rules...one must have society,games and erm i forgot what it call....hahah..XD
in just half a year...i've also found the one that i would spent my whole life with....isn't that a wonderful yet shocking thing...hahha as i said things does change fast
but i hope miracle will happne on me...i want to go to japan~! i want to pass my exam will flying colours~!i want to get in univeristy of malaysia and law course...~!i want w-inds. 5th album~! THANKS~! i want diabolos dvd (Gackt concert)~! i want my gackt project to go well~!

i am demanding.,....hahaha...>.<

Hazy days~blurry ways

2005-08-12T17:01:00.000+09:00

What can you do on a hazy days? Drink lots of water, stay at home and avoid outdoor activities, bath more, wear a mask, blah blah blah...basically, you do nothing on a hazy days. I am really lazy, yes i am,in these two days, i found myself lazy to do anything except online, watching tv, or messaaging with my phone. I should be studying or maybe doing my homework, i know, but i just don't have the urge to do it, i am too lazy too. Yes due to the weather my nose is stuck, but is it ok that i blame the weather for my laziness? Maybe i can, right? I think a lot too, in these two days, my path ahead is still blurry, it's even more blurry in these blurry days,(haha, a cold joke). Well, whenever i have a rest or a holiday or whatever you call it for a day or two, i will be thinking, because i don't have school stuff or working stuff to think of. i can think of anything away from them. Thinking about Gackt, Glay adn W-inds. I've kinda lost track in thier works, although i never miss thier new songs, but it seems like they are drifting away, far far away form me...what i can do to get them back? and music. My one and only dream, it's draining away too....what had happen? Am i really too busy to put time and effort to it? Or is this weather's fault again that i can't go out adn practise as a band? For those who;s not living in Malaysia now, you guys are lucky, you didn't know how bad the weather is here, it kinda effect your emotions too, with your nose block and trap at home...with your eyes sore and the air out there is stinky, way to stinky and poisonous too breath, oh man! somebody save me!

90 degree~turning point

2005-07-31T04:18:00.000+09:00

Yup..it's life....we have to move from one stepping stone to another. I am 17 going on 18.....it sounds like a song from "The Sound Of Music"...well don't mind that. I am 17, and is going on 18. There is where the turning point will happen in my life?I don't know, it seems like lately i had a 90 degree turn my life. i used to know what i really want but don't have the guts make it an action.but now, i will do whatever that is in my mind, i will make a move to fullfill it. and i will most likely to clearify my stand. I know it's new and akward to me, not to say my parents, and thier reaction is what i expected and i got to face with it. I think my father is still mad at me because of the decisions i had make. I know, it's new to me too, i am as shocked myself. Yet, in life we still need a turning point right?to proceed to another path, a path that you choose. I am growing up fast i know, but, i still have to get a smooth turn on that turning point, before i can proceed in my life. Is that so?Suddenly i have a song in my head."life's like this, yea, that's the way it is..." COMPLICATED by AVRIL LAVIGNE.A great song that suits my mood now.

Nobody, i am a nobody.

2005-06-14T00:57:00.000+09:00

Often i say i am me, me and only me. but then i realise i am a nobody. I am just a normal old me doing what she doens't enjoy to, doesn't know where will her future lead her too. and is that future is what she wants? does that future lead to the live she wants? i had those questions in my mind lately. I've been working, behind my parents back. they tell me not to work as that will affect my studies. i wonder why wouldnt' they give me a chance? I want to know if i am wise enough to blance up my work time and study time. Though lying to them is a painful thing to do, but just for the chance, i done it. And for money too. i don't know, maybe this long holiday makes me realise that, with money we can do a lot of things easily. though money doesn't mean you can buy everything on earth, but u can buy anything. I really do work for money, as one of my reason. I have a thinking that, only money will help me fullfill my dreams. i am not sure where does that thinking actually come from, but i do need money. My dreams?i know and i can see it very clear, going to japan and music. i don't like law that much, and i know it's not an easy course to study. i am not the kind of person with a good brain, or someone who likes to study. i like something free, something artistic.like music! often i see people who found thier dream, and some in music. i really admired and envy them. that's what i wanted all along, to hang on on things i really love and keep on doing it. but, so sad i can't. i am stuck to law, mt parents discourage me in music, they said it wouldn't bring food on the table, i must need a 100% garentee job to do that, like lawyer or teacher.i don't know...i am so lost sometimes...everything doesn't seems to come my way, and they didn't turn out the way i want. What i do now to calm myself down is, do my best to pass everyday by,i don't know what will happen, but i will do my best to face everything.

Where are you?~

2005-05-10T23:50:00.000+09:00

Where are you?You appeared in my dreams, you appeared around me. Why don't you show yourself?I want to know, i want to see you, i want to feel you to touch you. I want to leave with you. You are the one i love, the one i can rely on. You are my light, you are my everything. I know you are still far away, but, i really wanted to have a peep and have a glance of you.......
Sounds like i'm looking for my lover right?Well actually what i meant is my future. I don't know wat lays ahead.I want me to be happy of what am i doing....i want to be success in live but yet success in things that i love. I love music, although i cannot see my future in music, but i am working very hard. And now my i'm starting school....walking to a raod that many people say it's a bright future. I like law, i have interest in it, but...my passion and love is in music. I do not know what fate will bring me, what my future lay ahead.....that is why i wish to take a peep, i'm curious...will i make it?living a life doing things i like..following the road i love...is that the right way to go? I've got to try my best, no matter what. "If you put your mind in it, you can accomplish anything."

Round and round but back to where i've started

2005-04-06T01:39:00.000+09:00

Yes i didn't update this blog for a month.Now it's April and i've been missing in March. My feelings now it kinda messy. I heard a lot, i've seen a lot, i've felt a lot in a month time. Yea i had made one of my dream come true, i went to guitar lessons. I'm happy about that..so happy. If i could turn back time, i would change a lot of things. But i know i can't. I told myself not to do anything i will regret in the future, but i'm still human,i ain't perfect. I regreted i didn't continue to learn piano, i had a chance back there, my parents willing to let me learn. I was young and naive, a happy-go-lucky girl i am. 7 months and 24 days to go and i'll be 18. I'ts the first year to my adult world. I know i have to be more mature and no more fooling around. I have to make the right decisions and be claer of what i want and what i don't want. I've choosen Law to prociede. My parents supported me, though i love music more and i'm clear about that, just because i don't want them to think i'm not realistic and childish to have such a dream about procieding in music..i've choosen Law.Well at least it's the course i'm interested in.I said to myself. When scool is about to start, and my decisions is about to be a responsibility, i heard another opinion, another point of view from another person. She is a wise lady that i respect. She had succeded in life and still going. She is experienced. She told my mum to prociede in Law, it's hard to earn a living as now more and more lawyers are coming out and it's getting pack. She asked me to reconsider about my decisons. That's when my world is spinning back...to the day i made this decisions. First thing that comes up in my mind is---music. I'm really into music..i don't know why,i didn't get influence by anyone,i love to sing since young,and my dream were to be a singer. But now for me, to be or not to be a singer isn't the question, all i want is to make music, to be a composser or a song writer!When i was asked to reconsider, things like that just pop in my mind, i'm suprise too in a short time my mind spinned so fast. Though i never tell my family about my plan of playing in a band while studying my Law. That's already a pain in my back while thinking of it. But i think it's still ok to prociede in Law and i am not the kind of person that changes desicions in seconds. Then i fell into another dilemma which i think it's kinda stupid for a person of my age to say. But i just can't help myself, thought i've already forgotten the word LOVE. I still dreamt bout it, and falling for the same person once i'm crazy bout. And that person is no normal person, he is a vocalist of a rock band who is married with children. Whenever i mention about it i felt so weak and i hated myself. Felt like wanna dig a big hole and burry myself in it. I though i got over the craze. I though it's only normal idol and fan love. But what the heck am i crying witing this?! Why am i crying everytime i hear his voice, Why in my heart there is a special place for him? Why don't he go away?Why can't i get over him?Why the heck is this craze?Am i out of my mind?Is there someone out there can give me a punch to wake me up from my dream?I don't know what cupid is up to lately, he gave me a very happy dream. I dreamt i was loved and love him back. First thing on my mind--it's him.Argh..i just wanna run away, i don't know where too. I said i wish i could turn back time but i don't want this back!I want to be free untill the right time for me to find the right man.Guess i have to start it over again, to stand up again, to face it all again.Maybe my over active imagination might help, who knows.

That's what i call prince!!

2005-02-16T00:04:00.000+09:00

I was in midvalley after "escaping" from the wroking place,me and my friends were window shopping and i was looking at a shoe that i like.Then i heard my friend gasp,i then turn around and i saw a guy that i thought he was a prince!!!he has a shoulder length hair,he is tall,he is cool,he is elegant,he walks like a model,and he is wearing in white like an angel!me and three of myfriends felt like time stopped for a few seconds when he walk by..just enough time to see his face,and wind's blowing his hair..making him more attractive.It all just like in drama when the main actor came out and mesmorise every girl.Oh my gosh,i love people sight seeing but i really never got a hit and had blood rushing to my face before,even that cute guy is looking at me.That guy whom we call prince...YOU ARE REALLY A BABE!!!

So UN-smooth

2005-01-29T22:05:00.000+09:00

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HYDE,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!yea,it's hyde's birthday,and i really hope i can send my regards to him...well birthday is important to everyone,and everything is hope to be going smoothly.Oh yea, it's Masa's Dizzy Drive first ever concert too! HEY MASA!HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL TODAY!!Yea,everyone sure hope everything goes smoothly everyday,but sometimes there's someday everything just don't turn out right,you can't find anything that you like at the mall while others do,you can't find anything happy to laugh about,and you can't find anything to do at the night.Sighs,i was having it today,i really caan't find any mood to laugh and i really don't have mood to do anything.Even chat with my best friends.I don't even have the mood to find Gackt's pictures,or download mp3s,or pvs.oh yea,i don't even have the urge to eat.Everytime when i bang myself into this kind of situation,i'll hope that tomorrow come faster,coz,"tomorrow is always a better day"that's what i think so that my anger will be in control.You will just feel like something is missing,and your mind is blank,don't know what to do and will be provoke easily.*sighs*ok,end of it,i might as well prepare to go to bed and hope tomorrow is another bright sunny day for me.Big smiles^^,end.......

~perfect~

2005-01-21T15:19:00.000+09:00

'Cuz we lost it all, Nothing lasts forever,I'm sorry I can't be perfect,Now it's just too late and We can't go backI'm sorry I can't be perfect...'
used to love that song,and everytime it plays on the radio,i'll sing along.I knew no one is perfect and so am i,i just love the song,but never thought one day the song really sing my heart out.My mum used to say,she asked me to control my temper,i have a bad temper.Few years ago,I hate it when my mum say that to me,because i know what i'm doing,and i think what i do is right,but now,i know she's right,i really have a bad temper,and it's not ok to carry this bad attitude with me,i need to endure when things really didn't come my way.I need to hold my temper and make it dissapear before disaster.Now i'm trying so hard to struggle,whenever i release my temper,i know i shouldn't do what i've done.and when my mum said i should hold my temper,i just keep quite,she's right,but she don't know i'm trying so hard not to get angry,so hard not to throw my temper on people that do me wrong.Sometimes i just hope i can be perfect,but i can't,no human is perfect.I trying so hard,keep trying and trying.....

untitle

2005-01-06T11:48:00.000+09:00

What i've learn today,it's not to say anything when i'm in a blurry situation.If i haven't make it clear,i shouldn't had say anything,it might hurt someone accidentaly.And when you realise it,it might be too late.I guess feeling guilty in this kinda of situation is useless,coz it's my fault not to make things clear enough.I'm really famous to talk fast and straight.I know it might hurt someone but at least i know what i'm saying,and it may be right.But i never thought i will put myself in this kind of situation,so let's just put it as a painful,guilty lesson i've learn.

My Future

2005-01-05T22:00:00.000+09:00

I'm walking on a path,beside me i can see many people.These people are busy doing something,but i know they are happy with what they are doing.They've found the road they want to go,they've got thier life thier future,and it's what they have been dreaming.Then the scenery changed.I'm burry in whiteness,all i can see is pitch white,i can't see what's infront,it's too bright and blurry.I kept on walking and walking.I don't know where i'm heading to,i just know i have to keep walking.Finally i've reached to an end.But i know it's not the end,because i've reach three doors.on Each door there's name on it.Music,Law and Tourismt.There's three different doors lead to three different path.One is my dream,one is my destiny and one is my interest.I'm standing infront of the three doors.The story can't end yet because i can't choose which door to open.I don't know which road is right for me and i don't know which road i will regret to choose.The story must end,but not now....

Atarashi!!

2005-01-01T14:44:00.000+09:00

A new year has come,it's also a kick start for me,new dreams,new hope,new life....I don't know i should be happy about my new freedom or not.It's the first time i spend my new years eve with my friends,my parents didn't hold me back that night,infact the call me after midnight,to know when i'm coming home.I'm happy i can spend the night with my dearest friends,but i really felt kinda wierd cuz my parents whos' usually strict to me let me go,it's that how it feels?the tatse of first freedom?My feelings were messed up this morning,i cried while listening to Gackt's song.He is one of the person i respect the most in my entire life,I couldn't have thank him enough,his songs brings my spirit high and keeps me on the move whenever i felt like giving up.I wrote him a long,long letter and i hope it can reach his hand,i really want him to know how i feel and my appriciation.Atarashi,means new in japanese,i hope it also bring new hope for the tsunami friends that been through a rough new year.Atarashi no jinsei,means a new life,i hope they will go on with thier life even with the pain of the lost of thier love ones,they still have to go on.I can't hold and shed a tear to see those people in pain,i found out life is so precious and it can be gone in a blink of eye,we have to cherish love one before it's too late,Money can buy anything but not everything,something like love and the caring community it's something money can't buy.I guess it's a little bit messy for my post,cuz i dun have a main theme or something,just what i feel...Atarashi...new year,here i come!!!

Dare to Dream~

2004-12-25T02:07:00.000+09:00

Now it's 1:08am 25th December in Malaysia.Yes it's Christmas day, and i have had a great night to countdown to Christmas.I went to a restoran with my family,not knowing i can learn so much.It isn't an ordinary restoran,it's a place open by Taiwanese, and there's a place for people who's talented to sing and present themsleves.It's a great place to find new born stars,because one of the owner there is a teacher,he teaches people who's interested and talented in sing.He also involve in teaching industry,he teaches chinese in high schools,english,and lectures in college,he starts teaching since 18.I was amaze by they way he present himself,his determined in doing what he loves.Since young, i have a dream,a kinda everybody's dream.To be a singer and have a band,When i was young, i will tell everyone about my dream and i'm proud of it. i had entered many singing contest.That time i was so sure i can sing.As i grew up,i found out being a super singer under the lime light isn't an easy thing,and it's a far far dream,there's a lot of facts that hold my dream back and it has now became a dream that is kept far in my heart,a dream i don't dare to dream about.But now,in that restoran, there's many who had fullfill thier dream,they done what they like and i saw them perform on stage,that was my dream,my long lost dream.Maybe it's call faith,that owner(that teacher)came down to chat with us.He told me it's ok to dream,he too dreaming of this day,that's what made him today.Now i know, i don't have to be famous, i don't need a name in hollywood, i just want to enjoy singing and be brave enough to dream.I felt like going back to those days again,where i really held on tight to my dream.I will go on and be brave to dream....

Umizaru

2004-12-08T18:12:00.000+09:00

Two divers,40 meters underwater.One tank with 30 bar,enough for one to return safely.What would you do?
Umi means sea, zaru means monkey.Sea monkey,some might think it's a funny name, some might think it's wierd.But for me,i think it's simple but there's a deep meaning behind that name. i always thought sea is the most beatiful thing mother nature can have, it contains food,it create life,and the smell of it,it's so refreshing.But the sea, it's a dangerous place too, it's mysterious and full of deep, dark secret.On land,human laugh at monkyes,thier clumsy moves,the way the climb tree,or the way they escape from human,looks funny right?But in the sea, human looks like monkey.Even for a diver or a swimmer, they look clumsy in water, even they are skillfull enough,they still have to escape from the sea if there's danger, just like monkeys escape from human.For me, i think that is why this movie is call umizaru.Eventhough human are smartest creature on earth,they can conquer land, forest, but not the sea.14 recruits had submitted for 50 day training course to become elite Rescue Divers.All of them are Navy pilots and had worked on sea for a long time, but, to dive in the sea to rescue people it's not an easy job.In that 50 days, they learned friendship,they learned to love life, a human life, and escape from death.While watching this movie, i had a lot of thoughts in my head, and my emotion run wild.I cried there, i was nervous, i was scard and i could feel myself shaking not because of the cold.I felt like as if in in that situation, what would i do?
"Two divers,40 meters underwater.One tank with 3o bar,enough for one to return safely.What would you do?"This is the question asked in the movie.One person said,"i'll leave my partner behind, the best must come up alive."Another said,"i try my best to think of something to save us both."in the end both of them were caught 40 meters under the sea with 30bars of oxygen.Alas, the best didn't come up, and the other one didn't think of anything to save them both, they just can wait and believe the other trainiees to save them.It's the deep relationship, the bound between the 14 trainees that save both of them.After they graduate, they've learn to not just to be a good life saver,but a better man.Stepping out of the cinema,i've learned a lot too, my tear tank and stomach are empty but my heart and mind are full.Lessons i've learned in this movie, umizaru will be with me and stay in my heart untill the day i die, and i believe it will make me a better person.

A Smile~

2004-12-03T22:09:00.000+09:00

"Smile and the wold smile to you".That is what i used to hear.That's why i love to smile and i love to see people smile too.Sometimes,you can know that person is sincere or not, just by looking at his or her smile.If someone smile with his or her heart,you will feel a comfortable and nice feeling just by looking at thier smile, but in the other hand,a fake smile will make you uncomfortable and unrespect.That is what i've learned, smile with your heart and the world smile to you.I remember somewhere in March, i've found a smile, the first smile that made me felt," no wonder i like you!".It's ZChen, a Malaysian pop star, he gave me a smile and held my hand tight when he shooked it.His smile let me know how much he appreciates me as a fan who appreciate and love his music.Although he said something,but is his smile that makes me felt happy, and i know i'll never forget this smile. The second smile i found i love it so and makes me feel comfortable is today, a smile from Maksim, a great piano player.I admire his skills and the way he expresse the song while he play.I've admire him since the first album,"The Piano Player".Today i got a chance to get his signature on my cd.I've waited for half a day for this moment.But i was calm because i'm not a fan girl for him.So unlike other fan waiting anxiously, i was calm and chatted with my friend.Then, Maksim arrived, once he step up from the stairs, he smiled,that smile makes me n my friend blush, we can actually feel the blood rushing up to our faces.Before he sign my album i smiled at him and he smile back.That smile shows that he is so humble and friendly,after he sign i shooked his hand and he smile again, that smile shows his appriciation.I was mesmerized.A smile really works on me, i really cannot forget those smiles for life.By a smile i know that i can trust.My friend said, seeing is believing;touching is feeling.Ne Son, you are right!^-^

Just Love..

2004-12-01T01:26:00.000+09:00

I've read a lot of novel, especially those novels that talk about love.i love to read, i read novel in Malay, Chinese and English.But the only reason i stick my eyes and put my head on the novel is, i want to know what is love.Love beautiful love is pain;Love is sharing love is envy;love have different side, different people have thier own point of view about love.After reading so many different kind of love novel, i found out love is unexplainable,love is something you can't touch but feel,something special that create by God, it's like a kind of shield that keeps human together.I just watch a movie today, it gaves me an impact. The movie is call "THE FORGOTTEN". The movie is about alien made an experiment on human.The aliens want to know,if they can destroy this shield--a mother's love for his son.But in the end, they managed to erase all parent's memories about thier children, but one. Eventhough her first memmory about her son is erase by that alien, she can still remember she had a little life in her body and than the aliens knew they had fail, they cannot erase the bound between human---love. I reaslise, love is in everyone, it is something no one can take from you. Love happens everywhere, you love your family, you love your friends, you love your pet, you love the song, you love your idol. Love is a simple thing, we will find it everywhere. You don't have to find it it will come, love is in us, it is something nothing than human can have, all those hate, envy in love is made by human too.love is like a plain water, it depends on how what taste you want to be, to make a cup of coffe that is bitter, or to make a juice, that is sweet. Just let it be, love will come to you when it is the time to come, that's why FAITH is made. Now, i only admire those love story in the novel i've read. I know one day love will knock on my door too, i'll just wait for my time...

1st touch~

2004-11-26T01:55:00.000+09:00

here am i,standing in between growing up and not to grow up.i've just finish my final and my last-most-important-exam in high school.i know after that,i will grow up and take a first step in to the adult world.that is why,in a middle of a night like this, i have many thoughts of what will it be like as an adult. like every other teenager, i'm eager to grow up,i can have my own world and the freedom i want.but then, as i grew to become a more mature thinking young lady, i found out there isn't any excitement in growing up, i have to learn to be resposibility, i have to face the world all on my own, and i have a lot to learn, a lot to explore.it's kinda scary when you have to face the odds alone,far away from your family.....
but then, i found out something, something that keeps me going.4 friends i found who gave me faith and made me brave to face a whole new world.with thier support, i'm no longer alone in this big world.i'm going to be a small girl standing strong againts all odds in this big world, coz i have them,son,kei,sho and hana. i feel whole.thankz guys, love ya all!!