Changes~

i've changed the way i cover my blanket...i use to fold it twice before i cover it on top of me..
but lately i open it wide...i don't know why, because i used to feel uneasy and weird if i open it wide
but now it had change.

i've changed my message ringtone on my phone. it used to be a light, soft and short ring.
i changed it to some actionpack sound from Kamen raider's show. i don't know why i change it.
maybe its because i like Kamen raider very much. and the ringtone is way cool~!

i changed my attitude, or you can say my way.
it has been a tradition for me to buy new cloths before chinese new year..well most people do
lately i found myself having a desire to buy things with my own money, that is the money i earn from my hard work.
too bad this year i havent got my pay yet, so i dont have money to buy any new cloths.
though i wanted so much too, but i am too proud to ask money from my parents..
its kinda stupid you might say, they are your parents anyway...but i know if i borrow from them
i will be treated as a child again...i will be nag and say i havent earn any money at all and still
need thier help. oh i can remember what they used to tell me last year.

i hope changes are good for me. i dont know where they will lead me to but i hope it is true
that i believed in my own choice.

Life is like a bed of roses with torns

*drip...drip*
I slowly open my eyes again and turn around, watching blood dripping from my finger tips.
I feel a little pain as soon as i saw my own blood.
I hit the wall again, i reached the end of the road again.
Open and close my eyes slowly i suck my finger softly, it hurts a little physically
but it hurts more mentally..
I am lying on a bed of roses, but with torns all around it. before i could touch
and smell the scent of the beautiful rose, i have to move my hands arouond
to feel around and get prickle by torn which revolves around it.
Life is like this, isnt it?
You will fall you will get hurt you will bleed before you can get to the
beautiful future that you hope and wish for. It really hurts sometimes.
You will need courage, bravery, patient and many more to keep you going..
After a while, i start to move my finger around again, hoping to touch that beautiful rose.
*drip...drip*
Blood is dripping again..
guess i hit the wall again.
But i will try again.Don't worry i will be fine.

Whisper of the wind

It has been windy lately.
Maybe it is because Chinese New Year is just around the corner.
I love when the wind blows..when it hits upon my ear drums..
it felt so good..
That is why i love the sea too.
Standing beside the sea makes me calm,
With the wind brushing through my hair and whisper in to my ears..
With the sand underneath my feet and soft waves washing my toe
How you ever wonder the wind actually whisper..
It brought along human's wish, hope, grudge, sadness, happiness..
Listen to it carefully,you might know how lucky you are to be what you are here and now
Maybe someday you can whisper to the wind too, and let it bring to others ears...

NEw YEaR 2007~though its a bit late..

hahaha i seems to be late for new year's post...
gosh i am using this blog for 2 years already...^.^
well i am not the kind of ppl who change things, place or the stuff i like fast..
i like stick to a place and like something for a very long time...
for example Gackt Glay and w-inds...i like them since i was in secondary school..
(now i am already 20)..ahahaha i am not afraid to tell everyone my age...coz i looked young
ppl said that i look more like 17...XD
well here's something i wanted to share...new pv from my fav idols..


1st up is hanamuke...sung by w-inds. i LOVE THAT SONG~!though its a bit sad..TT_TT.but
i love the part where keita singing high pitch...he is great~!!!^.^



2nd is a legendary rock band--GLAY~!!!Man!they have been a band for more than 10 years..they are awesome~!!!^.^
this song is very very light rock..and Glay style..haha..its call 100 man kai no kiss^.^



and finally Gackt~!the God..ahaha i call him that coz he looks like one...XD
perfect~!..though he still have any new pv yet..put there's some picz of his single...^.^


the white colour cover is limited edition and the black colour is normal edition..
darn i want both><

happy new year 2007 to all my beloved family and friends....and of course to my fav idols..
hope this year is a smooth year for you guys~!love ya all^.^

w-inds. CHIANG~!!!!^.^

I forgot how or when i started to like w-inds...haha lately it seems like i've forgottan alot of things...
well i went to w-inds. e-cafe, my fav w-inds. forum all time and forever....because keiko chan and other admin sure
made d forum a place a w-inds. fans must be^.^...ok back to the forum surfing thingy...
as i said i went to the forum...just to update myself to w-inds. latest news and pictures...found some not so new but can consider new pictures...oh my keita has grown so so so mature~!!!^.^ and ryuichi...can see his wildness and born-to-be-rocker's side of him is more and more obvious..ryohei..well he is mature too..haha but duno why he looks the same to me..
(sorry ryohei..><" but you do looked the same...)
Keita...so mature^^
ryohei~!!cute^^
RYU CHAN~!! so hot~!!sexy~!!!cute~!!cool~!!!ARGH~!X3

and the most exciting new i saw is keita's solo album is out~!!! omedetto keita chan~!!^.~
The album's name is call Koe and it is released since 29th of November..yay~!



aiks...i wanna buy~!!!!!!!!T^T

*all news and photos from w-inds. e-cafe*

It's been a long time..a real long time...

i thought i have forgotten my own blog account a second ago....hahaha seems like this blog almost become a history in my mind...
but then i remembered^^...*happy happy happy~@!* hahaha...
a lot of things happened lately...having my stpm is one of the hardest task i ever experience...
the tense the pressure were far more then i expected...there are sometimes i was about to break down..i dont want no stpm i dont want no university i dont want no law~!!!><..but i still manage to go through it~!hooray to mysefl~!!^^
something has changed too..it a best friend...imagine you have a best friend whom you spend almost everything together...
cute guys, sneak out for a movie,fashion and many other stuff....suddenly in some years you found that person is telling you lies all along...in that instant you really dont know which line of hers to believe...because she is telling you a story but infront of other best friends she told another side of the story...she hang out with the guy you another best friend likes...she hold his hand,pull him everywhere,lean on his shoulder,dance slow dance with him onfront of that another best friend of mine and they were so close AND SHE ACTED AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPEND AFTER THAT! I bet anyone of you will be scolding *F*** if you read this..really it was mine and that another best friend's of mind's feeling when she did that. She loves clubbing and hang out with guys whom she knows for one weeks, she even kissed some stranger...this is something we never thought that she become..so cheap and low standard..but we are ok with it..its her life anyway..she dances pole dance and let other guy to carry her up the stage..to dance...but she didnt trust us..let me tell you why..for of us, her ex best friends planned a surprise birthday party two weeks before her birthday. the plan is group A to kidnap her close her eyes and tie up her hand. then we will carry her out of the car when we reached zoo. and inside the zoo right infront of the entrance group B will light up the cake and then that is wehn we will open her eyes and realese her...everything went smoothly and we reached zoo as normal...when we carried her out..she starts to struggle and she when mad and start to shout out loud to scold us.that moment we dont know what to do but released her...that day no one is happy...we've plan it so hard just to surprise her and what we get is she shouting at us?and here is the link that we are very dissapointed and mad is that she let a GUY whom she knows for few weeks carry her up the stage to dance pole dace RATHER THAN letting us whom she knows for many years carry her into the zoo to give her a surprise....oh isnt it F***ing when you think about it...it seems like our friendship towards her is worthless when she found some other thing that she thinks is more fun than hagging out with us that is clubbing...
many people advise us to just let her go let her fall and let her learn..but they didnt understand the pain we are facing because that is someone you loves to much as a friend. When you love someone so dearly and that love is been betray and tunr into a priceless junk..that is when that love turn in to hate...i hope i wont come to hate her...this is because now i am just treating her as a normal friends, because she didnt do anything that off the limit for me to hate her NOW...i mean NOW but i didnt mean in the future she wont..as i said i have lost my faith in her...

Friendship is something sweet and something pretty
if you lost he faith you have in each other,
somehow you are not meant to be...

Passive Malaysian

i am just being straight...but i do am dissapointed by the passive attitude of Malaysians...
i thought people who love Gackt will support me in making a 100% Malaysian Gackt Community...am i too naive to think that i am able to achieve this dream?i don't know..its just i wanted to do something for Gackt, or maybe i wanted him to know in Malaysia there's a group of fans that love and support him all the time. Eventhough we are so far from him, but we will still continue to support and give him all the love we can give to him no matter what. He is just someone we will respect all the time...
I manage to collect 30 person message to send to Gackt for his birthday last year, this year i am on again but collecting only signature...but i get a cold respond from the fans even those who joined me last year. I am really dissapointe...i really am...i know everyone is busy studying, working and stuff, but all i can say if, if you have the determination to send me that signature, you can manage to send..busy is merely an excusse..sometimes i just wanted to give up..but when i look at Gackt pictures and those who already sent thier signature to me and for those who really cared...i held on....



ps:maybe i might offend someone with my words..sorry for that..>.< and for those who support and believe in our dream to create a community in Malaysia for Gackt..thankz so much~!^.^

love letter

Lover letter, its been awhile since i Gackt singing that song. It always touches my heart, bring me back to the time where love is so pure and down to earth, back to the time whene e-mails, telephones are not created, a time where poeple write love poems and love letter to confess their love. It is just simply touching...Gackt nail it...he can really go deep down inside your heart, and make you realise which is your own ture self...

eien wo aruitte yukeru
korekara mou zutto futari de
kono mune ni tsuyoku dakishimete
omoi waka wa ranai kanaka hitotsu dakara
aishiteru

That chorus was the best~! Gackt san i will always support you, you always help me find the real me, gave me strenght to go on and the strenght to beat the odds. As you once said, "if you put your mind in it, you can achieve anything!"
Arigatou ne~! Gackt san

*the love letter lyric is not copied. i wrote down base on what i hear from the song

Long time no see

It's been awhile since i make a visit here....
i kinda miss it here...where i use to write my emotions,feelings in a beautiful way...hahahaha
well life was busy for me..and things just change in a blink of eyes.....its already 2006 you know..
never thought that time pass so fast that i am in my final year of my stpm..that is my major exams...and school activities, i can not not to be involve...school had its rules...one must have society,games and erm i forgot what it call....hahah..XD
in just half a year...i've also found the one that i would spent my whole life with....isn't that a wonderful yet shocking thing...hahha as i said things does change fast
but i hope miracle will happne on me...i want to go to japan~! i want to pass my exam will flying colours~!i want to get in univeristy of malaysia and law course...~!i want w-inds. 5th album~! THANKS~! i want diabolos dvd (Gackt concert)~! i want my gackt project to go well~!

i am demanding.,....hahaha...>.<

Hazy days~blurry ways

What can you do on a hazy days? Drink lots of water, stay at home and avoid outdoor activities, bath more, wear a mask, blah blah blah...basically, you do nothing on a hazy days. I am really lazy, yes i am,in these two days, i found myself lazy to do anything except online, watching tv, or messaaging with my phone. I should be studying or maybe doing my homework, i know, but i just don't have the urge to do it, i am too lazy too. Yes due to the weather my nose is stuck, but is it ok that i blame the weather for my laziness? Maybe i can, right? I think a lot too, in these two days, my path ahead is still blurry, it's even more blurry in these blurry days,(haha, a cold joke). Well, whenever i have a rest or a holiday or whatever you call it for a day or two, i will be thinking, because i don't have school stuff or working stuff to think of. i can think of anything away from them. Thinking about Gackt, Glay adn W-inds. I've kinda lost track in thier works, although i never miss thier new songs, but it seems like they are drifting away, far far away form me...what i can do to get them back? and music. My one and only dream, it's draining away too....what had happen? Am i really too busy to put time and effort to it? Or is this weather's fault again that i can't go out adn practise as a band? For those who;s not living in Malaysia now, you guys are lucky, you didn't know how bad the weather is here, it kinda effect your emotions too, with your nose block and trap at home...with your eyes sore and the air out there is stinky, way to stinky and poisonous too breath, oh man! somebody save me!

90 degree~turning point

Yup..it's life....we have to move from one stepping stone to another. I am 17 going on 18.....it sounds like a song from "The Sound Of Music"...well don't mind that. I am 17, and is going on 18. There is where the turning point will happen in my life?I don't know, it seems like lately i had a 90 degree turn my life. i used to know what i really want but don't have the guts make it an action.but now, i will do whatever that is in my mind, i will make a move to fullfill it. and i will most likely to clearify my stand. I know it's new and akward to me, not to say my parents, and thier reaction is what i expected and i got to face with it. I think my father is still mad at me because of the decisions i had make. I know, it's new to me too, i am as shocked myself. Yet, in life we still need a turning point right?to proceed to another path, a path that you choose. I am growing up fast i know, but, i still have to get a smooth turn on that turning point, before i can proceed in my life. Is that so?Suddenly i have a song in my head."life's like this, yea, that's the way it is..." COMPLICATED by AVRIL LAVIGNE.A great song that suits my mood now.

Nobody, i am a nobody.

Often i say i am me, me and only me. but then i realise i am a nobody. I am just a normal old me doing what she doens't enjoy to, doesn't know where will her future lead her too. and is that future is what she wants? does that future lead to the live she wants? i had those questions in my mind lately. I've been working, behind my parents back. they tell me not to work as that will affect my studies. i wonder why wouldnt' they give me a chance? I want to know if i am wise enough to blance up my work time and study time. Though lying to them is a painful thing to do, but just for the chance, i done it. And for money too. i don't know, maybe this long holiday makes me realise that, with money we can do a lot of things easily. though money doesn't mean you can buy everything on earth, but u can buy anything. I really do work for money, as one of my reason. I have a thinking that, only money will help me fullfill my dreams. i am not sure where does that thinking actually come from, but i do need money. My dreams?i know and i can see it very clear, going to japan and music. i don't like law that much, and i know it's not an easy course to study. i am not the kind of person with a good brain, or someone who likes to study. i like something free, something artistic.like music! often i see people who found thier dream, and some in music. i really admired and envy them. that's what i wanted all along, to hang on on things i really love and keep on doing it. but, so sad i can't. i am stuck to law, mt parents discourage me in music, they said it wouldn't bring food on the table, i must need a 100% garentee job to do that, like lawyer or teacher.i don't know...i am so lost sometimes...everything doesn't seems to come my way, and they didn't turn out the way i want. What i do now to calm myself down is, do my best to pass everyday by,i don't know what will happen, but i will do my best to face everything.

Where are you?~

Where are you?You appeared in my dreams, you appeared around me. Why don't you show yourself?I want to know, i want to see you, i want to feel you to touch you. I want to leave with you. You are the one i love, the one i can rely on. You are my light, you are my everything. I know you are still far away, but, i really wanted to have a peep and have a glance of you.......
Sounds like i'm looking for my lover right?Well actually what i meant is my future. I don't know wat lays ahead.I want me to be happy of what am i doing....i want to be success in live but yet success in things that i love. I love music, although i cannot see my future in music, but i am working very hard. And now my i'm starting school....walking to a raod that many people say it's a bright future. I like law, i have interest in it, but...my passion and love is in music. I do not know what fate will bring me, what my future lay ahead.....that is why i wish to take a peep, i'm curious...will i make it?living a life doing things i like..following the road i love...is that the right way to go? I've got to try my best, no matter what. "If you put your mind in it, you can accomplish anything."

Round and round but back to where i've started

Yes i didn't update this blog for a month.Now it's April and i've been missing in March. My feelings now it kinda messy. I heard a lot, i've seen a lot, i've felt a lot in a month time. Yea i had made one of my dream come true, i went to guitar lessons. I'm happy about that..so happy. If i could turn back time, i would change a lot of things. But i know i can't. I told myself not to do anything i will regret in the future, but i'm still human,i ain't perfect. I regreted i didn't continue to learn piano, i had a chance back there, my parents willing to let me learn. I was young and naive, a happy-go-lucky girl i am. 7 months and 24 days to go and i'll be 18. I'ts the first year to my adult world. I know i have to be more mature and no more fooling around. I have to make the right decisions and be claer of what i want and what i don't want. I've choosen Law to prociede. My parents supported me, though i love music more and i'm clear about that, just because i don't want them to think i'm not realistic and childish to have such a dream about procieding in music..i've choosen Law.Well at least it's the course i'm interested in.I said to myself. When scool is about to start, and my decisions is about to be a responsibility, i heard another opinion, another point of view from another person. She is a wise lady that i respect. She had succeded in life and still going. She is experienced. She told my mum to prociede in Law, it's hard to earn a living as now more and more lawyers are coming out and it's getting pack. She asked me to reconsider about my decisons. That's when my world is spinning back...to the day i made this decisions. First thing that comes up in my mind is---music. I'm really into music..i don't know why,i didn't get influence by anyone,i love to sing since young,and my dream were to be a singer. But now for me, to be or not to be a singer isn't the question, all i want is to make music, to be a composser or a song writer!When i was asked to reconsider, things like that just pop in my mind, i'm suprise too in a short time my mind spinned so fast. Though i never tell my family about my plan of playing in a band while studying my Law. That's already a pain in my back while thinking of it. But i think it's still ok to prociede in Law and i am not the kind of person that changes desicions in seconds. Then i fell into another dilemma which i think it's kinda stupid for a person of my age to say. But i just can't help myself, thought i've already forgotten the word LOVE. I still dreamt bout it, and falling for the same person once i'm crazy bout. And that person is no normal person, he is a vocalist of a rock band who is married with children. Whenever i mention about it i felt so weak and i hated myself. Felt like wanna dig a big hole and burry myself in it. I though i got over the craze. I though it's only normal idol and fan love. But what the heck am i crying witing this?! Why am i crying everytime i hear his voice, Why in my heart there is a special place for him? Why don't he go away?Why can't i get over him?Why the heck is this craze?Am i out of my mind?Is there someone out there can give me a punch to wake me up from my dream?I don't know what cupid is up to lately, he gave me a very happy dream. I dreamt i was loved and love him back. First thing on my mind--it's him.Argh..i just wanna run away, i don't know where too. I said i wish i could turn back time but i don't want this back!I want to be free untill the right time for me to find the right man.Guess i have to start it over again, to stand up again, to face it all again.Maybe my over active imagination might help, who knows.

That's what i call prince!!

I was in midvalley after "escaping" from the wroking place,me and my friends were window shopping and i was looking at a shoe that i like.Then i heard my friend gasp,i then turn around and i saw a guy that i thought he was a prince!!!he has a shoulder length hair,he is tall,he is cool,he is elegant,he walks like a model,and he is wearing in white like an angel!me and three of myfriends felt like time stopped for a few seconds when he walk by..just enough time to see his face,and wind's blowing his hair..making him more attractive.It all just like in drama when the main actor came out and mesmorise every girl.Oh my gosh,i love people sight seeing but i really never got a hit and had blood rushing to my face before,even that cute guy is looking at me.That guy whom we call prince...YOU ARE REALLY A BABE!!!

So UN-smooth

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HYDE,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!yea,it's hyde's birthday,and i really hope i can send my regards to him...well birthday is important to everyone,and everything is hope to be going smoothly.Oh yea, it's Masa's Dizzy Drive first ever concert too! HEY MASA!HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL TODAY!!Yea,everyone sure hope everything goes smoothly everyday,but sometimes there's someday everything just don't turn out right,you can't find anything that you like at the mall while others do,you can't find anything happy to laugh about,and you can't find anything to do at the night.Sighs,i was having it today,i really caan't find any mood to laugh and i really don't have mood to do anything.Even chat with my best friends.I don't even have the mood to find Gackt's pictures,or download mp3s,or pvs.oh yea,i don't even have the urge to eat.Everytime when i bang myself into this kind of situation,i'll hope that tomorrow come faster,coz,"tomorrow is always a better day"that's what i think so that my anger will be in control.You will just feel like something is missing,and your mind is blank,don't know what to do and will be provoke easily.*sighs*ok,end of it,i might as well prepare to go to bed and hope tomorrow is another bright sunny day for me.Big smiles^^,end.......

~perfect~

'Cuz we lost it all, Nothing lasts forever,I'm sorry I can't be perfect,Now it's just too late and We can't go backI'm sorry I can't be perfect...'
used to love that song,and everytime it plays on the radio,i'll sing along.I knew no one is perfect and so am i,i just love the song,but never thought one day the song really sing my heart out.My mum used to say,she asked me to control my temper,i have a bad temper.Few years ago,I hate it when my mum say that to me,because i know what i'm doing,and i think what i do is right,but now,i know she's right,i really have a bad temper,and it's not ok to carry this bad attitude with me,i need to endure when things really didn't come my way.I need to hold my temper and make it dissapear before disaster.Now i'm trying so hard to struggle,whenever i release my temper,i know i shouldn't do what i've done.and when my mum said i should hold my temper,i just keep quite,she's right,but she don't know i'm trying so hard not to get angry,so hard not to throw my temper on people that do me wrong.Sometimes i just hope i can be perfect,but i can't,no human is perfect.I trying so hard,keep trying and trying.....

untitle

What i've learn today,it's not to say anything when i'm in a blurry situation.If i haven't make it clear,i shouldn't had say anything,it might hurt someone accidentaly.And when you realise it,it might be too late.I guess feeling guilty in this kinda of situation is useless,coz it's my fault not to make things clear enough.I'm really famous to talk fast and straight.I know it might hurt someone but at least i know what i'm saying,and it may be right.But i never thought i will put myself in this kind of situation,so let's just put it as a painful,guilty lesson i've learn.

My Future

I'm walking on a path,beside me i can see many people.These people are busy doing something,but i know they are happy with what they are doing.They've found the road they want to go,they've got thier life thier future,and it's what they have been dreaming.Then the scenery changed.I'm burry in whiteness,all i can see is pitch white,i can't see what's infront,it's too bright and blurry.I kept on walking and walking.I don't know where i'm heading to,i just know i have to keep walking.Finally i've reached to an end.But i know it's not the end,because i've reach three doors.on Each door there's name on it.Music,Law and Tourismt.There's three different doors lead to three different path.One is my dream,one is my destiny and one is my interest.I'm standing infront of the three doors.The story can't end yet because i can't choose which door to open.I don't know which road is right for me and i don't know which road i will regret to choose.The story must end,but not now....

Atarashi!!

A new year has come,it's also a kick start for me,new dreams,new hope,new life....I don't know i should be happy about my new freedom or not.It's the first time i spend my new years eve with my friends,my parents didn't hold me back that night,infact the call me after midnight,to know when i'm coming home.I'm happy i can spend the night with my dearest friends,but i really felt kinda wierd cuz my parents whos' usually strict to me let me go,it's that how it feels?the tatse of first freedom?My feelings were messed up this morning,i cried while listening to Gackt's song.He is one of the person i respect the most in my entire life,I couldn't have thank him enough,his songs brings my spirit high and keeps me on the move whenever i felt like giving up.I wrote him a long,long letter and i hope it can reach his hand,i really want him to know how i feel and my appriciation.Atarashi,means new in japanese,i hope it also bring new hope for the tsunami friends that been through a rough new year.Atarashi no jinsei,means a new life,i hope they will go on with thier life even with the pain of the lost of thier love ones,they still have to go on.I can't hold and shed a tear to see those people in pain,i found out life is so precious and it can be gone in a blink of eye,we have to cherish love one before it's too late,Money can buy anything but not everything,something like love and the caring community it's something money can't buy.I guess it's a little bit messy for my post,cuz i dun have a main theme or something,just what i feel...Atarashi...new year,here i come!!!