Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Nobody, i am a nobody.

Often i say i am me, me and only me. but then i realise i am a nobody. I am just a normal old me doing what she doens't enjoy to, doesn't know where will her future lead her too. and is that future is what she wants? does that future lead to the live she wants? i had those questions in my mind lately. I've been working, behind my parents back. they tell me not to work as that will affect my studies. i wonder why wouldnt' they give me a chance? I want to know if i am wise enough to blance up my work time and study time. Though lying to them is a painful thing to do, but just for the chance, i done it. And for money too. i don't know, maybe this long holiday makes me realise that, with money we can do a lot of things easily. though money doesn't mean you can buy everything on earth, but u can buy anything. I really do work for money, as one of my reason. I have a thinking that, only money will help me fullfill my dreams. i am not sure where does that thinking actually come from, but i do need money. My dreams?i know and i can see it very clear, going to japan and music. i don't like law that much, and i know it's not an easy course to study. i am not the kind of person with a good brain, or someone who likes to study. i like something free, something artistic.like music! often i see people who found thier dream, and some in music. i really admired and envy them. that's what i wanted all along, to hang on on things i really love and keep on doing it. but, so sad i can't. i am stuck to law, mt parents discourage me in music, they said it wouldn't bring food on the table, i must need a 100% garentee job to do that, like lawyer or teacher.i don't know...i am so lost sometimes...everything doesn't seems to come my way, and they didn't turn out the way i want. What i do now to calm myself down is, do my best to pass everyday by,i don't know what will happen, but i will do my best to face everything.