Thursday, May 24, 2007

Will it Change my life forever?

I am going crazy, first i am blogging from my office which it is against the rule, and wild thoughts just running through my head and i think i am going crazy.

Yesterday, which is my mum's birthday as well, i received a call telling me that i got a japan scholarship.which is I AM GOING GOT JAPAN'S UNIVERSITY TO STUDY BUSINESS LAW FOR 4 YEARS!

There i said it. And why am i going crazy?It is because this is a chance that most of the people dying for, and i have the thoughts in my head of not going, well its 50-50. i wanted to go i don't want to go as well.

The reason i wanted to go is, i am so into japan, my idols are Japanese, i love their culture. And going there to study ensure me to learn their language and of course going to concerts, shopping for Cd's(oh that is the most wanted thing i want to do!). and i get to study Law as well.Oh! almost forgot,i can make my parents proud too, if i go.

The reason i don't want to go is, i will miss Malaysia dearly, the food, my bed, my family, my friends and the most highlights my boyfriend. I love him dearly and i am sure to miss him very very much when i go there(the coldness of the winter makes you felt even more lonely).And i am going to learn Law in Japanese. Can you imagine it?Learning something you don't know in a language you don't really know.Maybe its me who don't have faith in myself, oh damn it!

Seems like a great debate here.I wanted to go and yet i don't want to go.Making this decision does really make a big different in my life.I wonder how it will be if i go and how it will be if i don't.

Would i miss something in my life of my family, lover and friends if i go?4 years is not a short period.

Would i regret that in my old days i keep have that picture in my head of me studying in japan and i will die for if i were to given a second chance if i did not go?By then i will only have regrets but no turning back.

My boyfriend said that the bright side of this is our love can be tested and we will know it is our destiny to be together. And also this 4 year time is the time for both of us to prepare for our future. He will work harder and earn more, on the other hand i will do my best to finish my studies.But the bad side is we barely can meet each other...Can you imagine it?i don't want to.