Friday, August 12, 2005

Hazy days~blurry ways

What can you do on a hazy days? Drink lots of water, stay at home and avoid outdoor activities, bath more, wear a mask, blah blah blah...basically, you do nothing on a hazy days. I am really lazy, yes i am,in these two days, i found myself lazy to do anything except online, watching tv, or messaaging with my phone. I should be studying or maybe doing my homework, i know, but i just don't have the urge to do it, i am too lazy too. Yes due to the weather my nose is stuck, but is it ok that i blame the weather for my laziness? Maybe i can, right? I think a lot too, in these two days, my path ahead is still blurry, it's even more blurry in these blurry days,(haha, a cold joke). Well, whenever i have a rest or a holiday or whatever you call it for a day or two, i will be thinking, because i don't have school stuff or working stuff to think of. i can think of anything away from them. Thinking about Gackt, Glay adn W-inds. I've kinda lost track in thier works, although i never miss thier new songs, but it seems like they are drifting away, far far away form me...what i can do to get them back? and music. My one and only dream, it's draining away too....what had happen? Am i really too busy to put time and effort to it? Or is this weather's fault again that i can't go out adn practise as a band? For those who;s not living in Malaysia now, you guys are lucky, you didn't know how bad the weather is here, it kinda effect your emotions too, with your nose block and trap at home...with your eyes sore and the air out there is stinky, way to stinky and poisonous too breath, oh man! somebody save me!

Sunday, July 31, 2005

90 degree~turning point's life....we have to move from one stepping stone to another. I am 17 going on sounds like a song from "The Sound Of Music"...well don't mind that. I am 17, and is going on 18. There is where the turning point will happen in my life?I don't know, it seems like lately i had a 90 degree turn my life. i used to know what i really want but don't have the guts make it an action.but now, i will do whatever that is in my mind, i will make a move to fullfill it. and i will most likely to clearify my stand. I know it's new and akward to me, not to say my parents, and thier reaction is what i expected and i got to face with it. I think my father is still mad at me because of the decisions i had make. I know, it's new to me too, i am as shocked myself. Yet, in life we still need a turning point right?to proceed to another path, a path that you choose. I am growing up fast i know, but, i still have to get a smooth turn on that turning point, before i can proceed in my life. Is that so?Suddenly i have a song in my head."life's like this, yea, that's the way it is..." COMPLICATED by AVRIL LAVIGNE.A great song that suits my mood now.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Nobody, i am a nobody.

Often i say i am me, me and only me. but then i realise i am a nobody. I am just a normal old me doing what she doens't enjoy to, doesn't know where will her future lead her too. and is that future is what she wants? does that future lead to the live she wants? i had those questions in my mind lately. I've been working, behind my parents back. they tell me not to work as that will affect my studies. i wonder why wouldnt' they give me a chance? I want to know if i am wise enough to blance up my work time and study time. Though lying to them is a painful thing to do, but just for the chance, i done it. And for money too. i don't know, maybe this long holiday makes me realise that, with money we can do a lot of things easily. though money doesn't mean you can buy everything on earth, but u can buy anything. I really do work for money, as one of my reason. I have a thinking that, only money will help me fullfill my dreams. i am not sure where does that thinking actually come from, but i do need money. My dreams?i know and i can see it very clear, going to japan and music. i don't like law that much, and i know it's not an easy course to study. i am not the kind of person with a good brain, or someone who likes to study. i like something free, something music! often i see people who found thier dream, and some in music. i really admired and envy them. that's what i wanted all along, to hang on on things i really love and keep on doing it. but, so sad i can't. i am stuck to law, mt parents discourage me in music, they said it wouldn't bring food on the table, i must need a 100% garentee job to do that, like lawyer or teacher.i don't know...i am so lost sometimes...everything doesn't seems to come my way, and they didn't turn out the way i want. What i do now to calm myself down is, do my best to pass everyday by,i don't know what will happen, but i will do my best to face everything.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Where are you?~

Where are you?You appeared in my dreams, you appeared around me. Why don't you show yourself?I want to know, i want to see you, i want to feel you to touch you. I want to leave with you. You are the one i love, the one i can rely on. You are my light, you are my everything. I know you are still far away, but, i really wanted to have a peep and have a glance of you.......
Sounds like i'm looking for my lover right?Well actually what i meant is my future. I don't know wat lays ahead.I want me to be happy of what am i doing....i want to be success in live but yet success in things that i love. I love music, although i cannot see my future in music, but i am working very hard. And now my i'm starting school....walking to a raod that many people say it's a bright future. I like law, i have interest in it, passion and love is in music. I do not know what fate will bring me, what my future lay ahead.....that is why i wish to take a peep, i'm curious...will i make it?living a life doing things i like..following the road i that the right way to go? I've got to try my best, no matter what. "If you put your mind in it, you can accomplish anything."

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Round and round but back to where i've started

Yes i didn't update this blog for a month.Now it's April and i've been missing in March. My feelings now it kinda messy. I heard a lot, i've seen a lot, i've felt a lot in a month time. Yea i had made one of my dream come true, i went to guitar lessons. I'm happy about happy. If i could turn back time, i would change a lot of things. But i know i can't. I told myself not to do anything i will regret in the future, but i'm still human,i ain't perfect. I regreted i didn't continue to learn piano, i had a chance back there, my parents willing to let me learn. I was young and naive, a happy-go-lucky girl i am. 7 months and 24 days to go and i'll be 18. I'ts the first year to my adult world. I know i have to be more mature and no more fooling around. I have to make the right decisions and be claer of what i want and what i don't want. I've choosen Law to prociede. My parents supported me, though i love music more and i'm clear about that, just because i don't want them to think i'm not realistic and childish to have such a dream about procieding in music..i've choosen Law.Well at least it's the course i'm interested in.I said to myself. When scool is about to start, and my decisions is about to be a responsibility, i heard another opinion, another point of view from another person. She is a wise lady that i respect. She had succeded in life and still going. She is experienced. She told my mum to prociede in Law, it's hard to earn a living as now more and more lawyers are coming out and it's getting pack. She asked me to reconsider about my decisons. That's when my world is spinning the day i made this decisions. First thing that comes up in my mind is---music. I'm really into music..i don't know why,i didn't get influence by anyone,i love to sing since young,and my dream were to be a singer. But now for me, to be or not to be a singer isn't the question, all i want is to make music, to be a composser or a song writer!When i was asked to reconsider, things like that just pop in my mind, i'm suprise too in a short time my mind spinned so fast. Though i never tell my family about my plan of playing in a band while studying my Law. That's already a pain in my back while thinking of it. But i think it's still ok to prociede in Law and i am not the kind of person that changes desicions in seconds. Then i fell into another dilemma which i think it's kinda stupid for a person of my age to say. But i just can't help myself, thought i've already forgotten the word LOVE. I still dreamt bout it, and falling for the same person once i'm crazy bout. And that person is no normal person, he is a vocalist of a rock band who is married with children. Whenever i mention about it i felt so weak and i hated myself. Felt like wanna dig a big hole and burry myself in it. I though i got over the craze. I though it's only normal idol and fan love. But what the heck am i crying witing this?! Why am i crying everytime i hear his voice, Why in my heart there is a special place for him? Why don't he go away?Why can't i get over him?Why the heck is this craze?Am i out of my mind?Is there someone out there can give me a punch to wake me up from my dream?I don't know what cupid is up to lately, he gave me a very happy dream. I dreamt i was loved and love him back. First thing on my mind--it's him.Argh..i just wanna run away, i don't know where too. I said i wish i could turn back time but i don't want this back!I want to be free untill the right time for me to find the right man.Guess i have to start it over again, to stand up again, to face it all again.Maybe my over active imagination might help, who knows.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

That's what i call prince!!

I was in midvalley after "escaping" from the wroking place,me and my friends were window shopping and i was looking at a shoe that i like.Then i heard my friend gasp,i then turn around and i saw a guy that i thought he was a prince!!!he has a shoulder length hair,he is tall,he is cool,he is elegant,he walks like a model,and he is wearing in white like an angel!me and three of myfriends felt like time stopped for a few seconds when he walk by..just enough time to see his face,and wind's blowing his hair..making him more attractive.It all just like in drama when the main actor came out and mesmorise every girl.Oh my gosh,i love people sight seeing but i really never got a hit and had blood rushing to my face before,even that cute guy is looking at me.That guy whom we call prince...YOU ARE REALLY A BABE!!!

Saturday, January 29, 2005

So UN-smooth

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HYDE,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!yea,it's hyde's birthday,and i really hope i can send my regards to him...well birthday is important to everyone,and everything is hope to be going smoothly.Oh yea, it's Masa's Dizzy Drive first ever concert too! HEY MASA!HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL TODAY!!Yea,everyone sure hope everything goes smoothly everyday,but sometimes there's someday everything just don't turn out right,you can't find anything that you like at the mall while others do,you can't find anything happy to laugh about,and you can't find anything to do at the night.Sighs,i was having it today,i really caan't find any mood to laugh and i really don't have mood to do anything.Even chat with my best friends.I don't even have the mood to find Gackt's pictures,or download mp3s,or pvs.oh yea,i don't even have the urge to eat.Everytime when i bang myself into this kind of situation,i'll hope that tomorrow come faster,coz,"tomorrow is always a better day"that's what i think so that my anger will be in control.You will just feel like something is missing,and your mind is blank,don't know what to do and will be provoke easily.*sighs*ok,end of it,i might as well prepare to go to bed and hope tomorrow is another bright sunny day for me.Big smiles^^,end.......

Friday, January 21, 2005


'Cuz we lost it all, Nothing lasts forever,I'm sorry I can't be perfect,Now it's just too late and We can't go backI'm sorry I can't be perfect...'
used to love that song,and everytime it plays on the radio,i'll sing along.I knew no one is perfect and so am i,i just love the song,but never thought one day the song really sing my heart out.My mum used to say,she asked me to control my temper,i have a bad temper.Few years ago,I hate it when my mum say that to me,because i know what i'm doing,and i think what i do is right,but now,i know she's right,i really have a bad temper,and it's not ok to carry this bad attitude with me,i need to endure when things really didn't come my way.I need to hold my temper and make it dissapear before disaster.Now i'm trying so hard to struggle,whenever i release my temper,i know i shouldn't do what i've done.and when my mum said i should hold my temper,i just keep quite,she's right,but she don't know i'm trying so hard not to get angry,so hard not to throw my temper on people that do me wrong.Sometimes i just hope i can be perfect,but i can't,no human is perfect.I trying so hard,keep trying and trying.....

Thursday, January 06, 2005


What i've learn today,it's not to say anything when i'm in a blurry situation.If i haven't make it clear,i shouldn't had say anything,it might hurt someone accidentaly.And when you realise it,it might be too late.I guess feeling guilty in this kinda of situation is useless,coz it's my fault not to make things clear enough.I'm really famous to talk fast and straight.I know it might hurt someone but at least i know what i'm saying,and it may be right.But i never thought i will put myself in this kind of situation,so let's just put it as a painful,guilty lesson i've learn.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

My Future

I'm walking on a path,beside me i can see many people.These people are busy doing something,but i know they are happy with what they are doing.They've found the road they want to go,they've got thier life thier future,and it's what they have been dreaming.Then the scenery changed.I'm burry in whiteness,all i can see is pitch white,i can't see what's infront,it's too bright and blurry.I kept on walking and walking.I don't know where i'm heading to,i just know i have to keep walking.Finally i've reached to an end.But i know it's not the end,because i've reach three doors.on Each door there's name on it.Music,Law and Tourismt.There's three different doors lead to three different path.One is my dream,one is my destiny and one is my interest.I'm standing infront of the three doors.The story can't end yet because i can't choose which door to open.I don't know which road is right for me and i don't know which road i will regret to choose.The story must end,but not now....

Saturday, January 01, 2005


A new year has come,it's also a kick start for me,new dreams,new hope,new life....I don't know i should be happy about my new freedom or not.It's the first time i spend my new years eve with my friends,my parents didn't hold me back that night,infact the call me after midnight,to know when i'm coming home.I'm happy i can spend the night with my dearest friends,but i really felt kinda wierd cuz my parents whos' usually strict to me let me go,it's that how it feels?the tatse of first freedom?My feelings were messed up this morning,i cried while listening to Gackt's song.He is one of the person i respect the most in my entire life,I couldn't have thank him enough,his songs brings my spirit high and keeps me on the move whenever i felt like giving up.I wrote him a long,long letter and i hope it can reach his hand,i really want him to know how i feel and my appriciation.Atarashi,means new in japanese,i hope it also bring new hope for the tsunami friends that been through a rough new year.Atarashi no jinsei,means a new life,i hope they will go on with thier life even with the pain of the lost of thier love ones,they still have to go on.I can't hold and shed a tear to see those people in pain,i found out life is so precious and it can be gone in a blink of eye,we have to cherish love one before it's too late,Money can buy anything but not everything,something like love and the caring community it's something money can't buy.I guess it's a little bit messy for my post,cuz i dun have a main theme or something,just what i year,here i come!!!