Tuesday, December 28, 2010

is me myself?

i don't know... i am leading a damn boring life now....

i want a crazy life, i know i am asking too much.. but hey where is the ready-for-adventure me?
i am so boring now.... i didn't even dare to pursue or to say, i think i lost it...
what is my dream now huh? to fins a job in japan? and then???????

suddenly i find no purpose in my life.. its so boring.....

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Finally i felt close to you...

Went to visit Hide, and i felt so close to him, and i know he is there watching us...

On the way to his grave, the view of the sea is like never ending.. guess Hide loves the sea a lot..

And this is the view when we get out of the bus, peaceful seaside.. with humble and quite farmers and fisher mans living around..

This is the name of the grave, if translated to english, it's call "gardens of souls"

A 10 minutes walk before we reach the grave, everything is so peaceful there, reminds me of how peaceful it can be to have a simple life while watching the farmers harvest...

It was just around the corner

And there it is, Hide's grave.. so colorful, so outstanding, so huge.. but silently it rains when we reached his grave

I got so emotional when i see his grave, the first thing i do is tell him that who am i and where am i from, and how is he doing? finally i came to see him and i can't help myself from asking him " where are you?" i asked for three times and believe it or not, the photo hanging on the flower pot( the one on the left, the white photo if you can see that clearly) flew up 180 degrees for about 10 to 15 seconds. It is raining and the wind blew, but it only flew up after i asked that question and it never did again even the wind blows. That made me believe he is there, Hide is there.. right there!!

While my friend prays for him, i can't help crying. It is just so sad, and i can't move or do anything but cried. I am so touched by Xue who snap photos while crying, i know it was so hard for her, but because of her i can have this beautiful photos to be shared^^ thanks xue~!! love you!!

Guitar with lyrics that written by Hide. You will find this line in the song call merry-go-round. It sounds like Hide predicted his own death and wrote this lyrics..><

I will be sure to bring letters to Hide the next time i go visit. Ps: spotted by Xue

We really don't want to leave, but we had too. Lastly i apologize to Hide that i cried and i will leave with a smile, i did until the grave is out of my sight and i told Xue about the photo's incident and we cried again... in the rain...

Rest in peace Hide, you will always be in our hearts
yours truly,
Suki and Xue

Thursday, September 16, 2010

It's like a dream still a dream but it was reality~

It took me 1 month to think how to blog this... put my busy life aside but the main reason is i can't believe what i saw and been through is real and it has happened~!!!


he is my God... he is my god... i just cant express how much i love him and will love him like forever and ever... the songs he sang just burned its way in my head and made a mark in my brain, his passion for music made my tears came flowing.. his hard work to make the best night for me..... for us ..... its nobel to me...
i know what i did that day was starring at Gackt, got my heart to listen to his voice.. got my hands to follow his rhythm, got my tears to show i cared for him and how much my heart hurts when i see him almost faint...

i know i might sound fanatic.... coz i think our eyes met for 3 sec..XD well... maybe coz i am the only one who got emotional and maybe my friend wore shoes that made her so tall and!! we had a clear spot where no hands or head could cover us...
And You the guitarist noticed us for sure.. he kept throwing stuff to our direction ( coz we risked being pull out from the concert by bringing in hand-made banners saying we are from Malaysia and its forbidden to do that..@@).. too bad we didnt get any of those stuff coz aunties besides us are too strong...@@ pushed my friend..><

I love him i love Gackt.... looking forward for more concerts~~~^^

photos~~~~ Gackt rabbit is so so cute~~~=3

Sunday, July 04, 2010






Sunday, May 30, 2010

Dream Weight

How much will you sacrifice for your dream? and how much will you sacrifice to support others dreams?

I saw a Japan tv program about how much both parents believed in their children's dream and they sacrifices money and time together just to give their children the right education in order to pursue her dream. Imagine a japanese mother bringing along two kids to Austria without any dutch language skills just because she believed in her daughter violin skills and wanted her to get the best training and education, and so does her son. and the poor husband staying alone in Japan to work and earn a living for them.

It struck me to see how much a dream weight for them. They can go this far and sacrifice so much just because they believed in dream. They pictured a future in this dream and they are living it now to fulfill it. Tears kept falling from my eyes as i am ashamed that i lost my passion and my dream. All i can think of now is graduating, finding a job and earn money. This might sound like other people's dream but i know this isn't mine. I am sad because i didn't have the courage to fight for my dream, i felt so pathetic to go with the flow, suddenly i don't know who am i anymore. When you realize the dream you once had has been forgotten by yourself felt so empty and sad.

Though i think its too late to make things bend my way again, i just hope that from now i can pick up my broken pieces of dream one by on and try to fix it again. It might not be perfect anymore, it might not look as shinning as before, but still i know this is me and this is what i want. I am not blaming my parents for not believing in my and the weight of my dream seems to light to them, but i know they have other faith in me. And i learned that, how much it hurts for not believing in a child's dream. i know i won't do it to my children. My child's dream's weight will hold a heavy place in my heart and i will try my best to let them fulfill it.

Friday, May 14, 2010

i miss you so much..DO you know?

i am late, late for everything related to him. i am too late to go to his live, too late to get to know him, to late to know his music his songs his story and his soul. We are all to late to save him i guess...

and i failed once again, being too late to post my regards for HIDE death anniversary... 2nd of May. HIDE are you happy in heaven? are you still looking down and smile to us? are you still swaying your guitar making music for angels friends in heaven?
We miss you a lot, i miss you a lot.

Thanks to Jun, i got a chance to peek at HIDE"S death anniversary 2010... even though i wanted to be there so so so much~~~
Pink Spider, my all time favorite, some of the songs you wrote before you go to heaven.. Guess what, i saw a big spider last night just by the alley in front of my room. and today it made a big yet beautiful web. Made me think of you and wonder is it you who had came back to see me? silly huh? i am.. i miss you so and i still can't listen to "Forever love" because it reminds me of you and your funeral. It's so hard to say goodbye to you. Wrote this for you 5 years ago... and i wanted to dedicate it to you again..

Shooting Star
He’s walking down street with everything’s gone
Nothing sucks more than to be alone
Money, fame, pride gone like smoke
Speechless, want no one to come home.

No, we don’t know what it’s like
Don’t understand how he feels
And forever his mouth is sealed

He’s just like a shooting star
Looks close but yet so far
To all its precious and heavenly sent
But in the glorious moment everything end

The rain starts to fall outside
Rain falls on him, no one knew he cried
He will be leaving in a few second
Will he see heaven again?

No we never know what it’s like
Never understand how he feels
Because forever his mouth is sealed

He’s just like a shooting star
Looks close but yet so far
To all its precious and heavenly sent
But in the glorious moment everything end

I hope never to see shooting star in the sky
It’s once in a life time, but it hurts inside..
by Suki

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Shopping day~^.^

Shopping day= tired + heart ache...hahaha

It's been a while... well almost one year ago since i spend so much for shopping..><
Well i bought those stuff i need like skin care, cosmetic, make-up remover and underwear~!wahahahaha. and took puri kura and UFO Catcher for a goth cat and of course Baskin Robins~!!!X3

I do love this spec so so much and they belong to shiori~TT^TT


And shiori and Sa..4 shopaholic girls~!XD

My trophy of war~!XD

Puri kurass~!! mad love~>w<

oh i want this for a long time dy~!GETZZ~!!^^

Bought this coz of lust...XD

new undiess...nyehehe

This is very good ~~ recommended ~!!^^

Got this with the merge power of me and shiori~!nyahaha

Tired face...><

TADAA~~~~ my 1st ever skin care~!!!X3 cost me half of my salary though...><

but i got sample~!^^ they are so generous.....one big pack of cotton, one bottle of whitening serum and one foundation trial kit...~>3<

when will can i access facebook again????