Life's like this

I am turning 21st this year.
Woah i am already an adult. not a child anymore.
its has been a hard month for me.
Due to examination, i wanted to score well, so i am busy with
making note etc etc to be prepared for the exam.

My emotions are like a roller coster ride,especially this week.
My favorite grand father passed away this monday on the 14th July.
When the message reached me, my emotion went crazy.
My mind went blank.
Untill today i feel like crying, even though i wanted to send him off
with a smile...

His body will be returning to mother nature today.
When i knew that i will never be able to see his face for the last time,
i cried myself to sleep last night.I am in Japan currently.
Fuck the exams, Fuck the bad things happen on the Fucking bad timing.
I wasn't to allowed to go home right now as my duty right now is to study hard.Fuck that too.

That is why i am studying harder than usual, i wanted to do my best to score in exams.
It seems like i am paranoid studying japanese civil law with those complicated kanji's.
i looked ok, it seems that i am fine. Fooling around and laughing with friends.
Deep down inside i am a mess, crying like a mad person. i had lost myself in myself.

My friend told me that, it is something we can't help. Studying abroad makes u loose something.
Fuck that as well.

I must be strong, be strong. Maybe i will get better after seeing the sea.
Controlling emotions is what adults do right?

GACKT HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It is another Gackt`s birthday.
this will never change, but what changes is
i am in japan,breathing the same air with him,hehehe
and i can send my present just a day before his birthday.
Unlike in Malaysia i have to send out the present one month earlier
if i want it to reach Gackt`s hand on time.>.<.so sad...
But anyway ....

GACKT HAPPY BIRTHDAY!