Dream Weight

How much will you sacrifice for your dream? and how much will you sacrifice to support others dreams?

I saw a Japan tv program about how much both parents believed in their children's dream and they sacrifices money and time together just to give their children the right education in order to pursue her dream. Imagine a japanese mother bringing along two kids to Austria without any dutch language skills just because she believed in her daughter violin skills and wanted her to get the best training and education, and so does her son. and the poor husband staying alone in Japan to work and earn a living for them.

It struck me to see how much a dream weight for them. They can go this far and sacrifice so much just because they believed in dream. They pictured a future in this dream and they are living it now to fulfill it. Tears kept falling from my eyes as i am ashamed that i lost my passion and my dream. All i can think of now is graduating, finding a job and earn money. This might sound like other people's dream but i know this isn't mine. I am sad because i didn't have the courage to fight for my dream, i felt so pathetic to go with the flow, suddenly i don't know who am i anymore. When you realize the dream you once had has been forgotten by yourself felt so empty and sad.

Though i think its too late to make things bend my way again, i just hope that from now i can pick up my broken pieces of dream one by on and try to fix it again. It might not be perfect anymore, it might not look as shinning as before, but still i know this is me and this is what i want. I am not blaming my parents for not believing in my and the weight of my dream seems to light to them, but i know they have other faith in me. And i learned that, how much it hurts for not believing in a child's dream. i know i won't do it to my children. My child's dream's weight will hold a heavy place in my heart and i will try my best to let them fulfill it.

i miss you so much..DO you know?

i am late, late for everything related to him. i am too late to go to his live, too late to get to know him, to late to know his music his songs his story and his soul. We are all to late to save him i guess...

and i failed once again, being too late to post my regards for HIDE death anniversary... 2nd of May. HIDE are you happy in heaven? are you still looking down and smile to us? are you still swaying your guitar making music for angels friends in heaven?
We miss you a lot, i miss you a lot.

Thanks to Jun, i got a chance to peek at HIDE"S death anniversary 2010... even though i wanted to be there so so so much~~~
Pink Spider, my all time favorite, some of the songs you wrote before you go to heaven.. Guess what, i saw a big spider last night just by the alley in front of my room. and today it made a big yet beautiful web. Made me think of you and wonder is it you who had came back to see me? silly huh? i am.. i miss you so and i still can't listen to "Forever love" because it reminds me of you and your funeral. It's so hard to say goodbye to you. Wrote this for you 5 years ago... and i wanted to dedicate it to you again..

Shooting Star
He’s walking down street with everything’s gone
Nothing sucks more than to be alone
Money, fame, pride gone like smoke
Speechless, want no one to come home.

No, we don’t know what it’s like
Don’t understand how he feels
And forever his mouth is sealed

He’s just like a shooting star
Looks close but yet so far
To all its precious and heavenly sent
But in the glorious moment everything end

The rain starts to fall outside
Rain falls on him, no one knew he cried
He will be leaving in a few second
Will he see heaven again?

No we never know what it’s like
Never understand how he feels
Because forever his mouth is sealed

He’s just like a shooting star
Looks close but yet so far
To all its precious and heavenly sent
But in the glorious moment everything end

I hope never to see shooting star in the sky
It’s once in a life time, but it hurts inside..
by Suki