Round and round but back to where i've started

Yes i didn't update this blog for a month.Now it's April and i've been missing in March. My feelings now it kinda messy. I heard a lot, i've seen a lot, i've felt a lot in a month time. Yea i had made one of my dream come true, i went to guitar lessons. I'm happy about that..so happy. If i could turn back time, i would change a lot of things. But i know i can't. I told myself not to do anything i will regret in the future, but i'm still human,i ain't perfect. I regreted i didn't continue to learn piano, i had a chance back there, my parents willing to let me learn. I was young and naive, a happy-go-lucky girl i am. 7 months and 24 days to go and i'll be 18. I'ts the first year to my adult world. I know i have to be more mature and no more fooling around. I have to make the right decisions and be claer of what i want and what i don't want. I've choosen Law to prociede. My parents supported me, though i love music more and i'm clear about that, just because i don't want them to think i'm not realistic and childish to have such a dream about procieding in music..i've choosen Law.Well at least it's the course i'm interested in.I said to myself. When scool is about to start, and my decisions is about to be a responsibility, i heard another opinion, another point of view from another person. She is a wise lady that i respect. She had succeded in life and still going. She is experienced. She told my mum to prociede in Law, it's hard to earn a living as now more and more lawyers are coming out and it's getting pack. She asked me to reconsider about my decisons. That's when my world is spinning back...to the day i made this decisions. First thing that comes up in my mind is---music. I'm really into music..i don't know why,i didn't get influence by anyone,i love to sing since young,and my dream were to be a singer. But now for me, to be or not to be a singer isn't the question, all i want is to make music, to be a composser or a song writer!When i was asked to reconsider, things like that just pop in my mind, i'm suprise too in a short time my mind spinned so fast. Though i never tell my family about my plan of playing in a band while studying my Law. That's already a pain in my back while thinking of it. But i think it's still ok to prociede in Law and i am not the kind of person that changes desicions in seconds. Then i fell into another dilemma which i think it's kinda stupid for a person of my age to say. But i just can't help myself, thought i've already forgotten the word LOVE. I still dreamt bout it, and falling for the same person once i'm crazy bout. And that person is no normal person, he is a vocalist of a rock band who is married with children. Whenever i mention about it i felt so weak and i hated myself. Felt like wanna dig a big hole and burry myself in it. I though i got over the craze. I though it's only normal idol and fan love. But what the heck am i crying witing this?! Why am i crying everytime i hear his voice, Why in my heart there is a special place for him? Why don't he go away?Why can't i get over him?Why the heck is this craze?Am i out of my mind?Is there someone out there can give me a punch to wake me up from my dream?I don't know what cupid is up to lately, he gave me a very happy dream. I dreamt i was loved and love him back. First thing on my mind--it's him.Argh..i just wanna run away, i don't know where too. I said i wish i could turn back time but i don't want this back!I want to be free untill the right time for me to find the right man.Guess i have to start it over again, to stand up again, to face it all again.Maybe my over active imagination might help, who knows.

That's what i call prince!!

I was in midvalley after "escaping" from the wroking place,me and my friends were window shopping and i was looking at a shoe that i like.Then i heard my friend gasp,i then turn around and i saw a guy that i thought he was a prince!!!he has a shoulder length hair,he is tall,he is cool,he is elegant,he walks like a model,and he is wearing in white like an angel!me and three of myfriends felt like time stopped for a few seconds when he walk by..just enough time to see his face,and wind's blowing his hair..making him more attractive.It all just like in drama when the main actor came out and mesmorise every girl.Oh my gosh,i love people sight seeing but i really never got a hit and had blood rushing to my face before,even that cute guy is looking at me.That guy whom we call prince...YOU ARE REALLY A BABE!!!

So UN-smooth

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HYDE,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!yea,it's hyde's birthday,and i really hope i can send my regards to him...well birthday is important to everyone,and everything is hope to be going smoothly.Oh yea, it's Masa's Dizzy Drive first ever concert too! HEY MASA!HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL TODAY!!Yea,everyone sure hope everything goes smoothly everyday,but sometimes there's someday everything just don't turn out right,you can't find anything that you like at the mall while others do,you can't find anything happy to laugh about,and you can't find anything to do at the night.Sighs,i was having it today,i really caan't find any mood to laugh and i really don't have mood to do anything.Even chat with my best friends.I don't even have the mood to find Gackt's pictures,or download mp3s,or pvs.oh yea,i don't even have the urge to eat.Everytime when i bang myself into this kind of situation,i'll hope that tomorrow come faster,coz,"tomorrow is always a better day"that's what i think so that my anger will be in control.You will just feel like something is missing,and your mind is blank,don't know what to do and will be provoke easily.*sighs*ok,end of it,i might as well prepare to go to bed and hope tomorrow is another bright sunny day for me.Big smiles^^,end.......

~perfect~

'Cuz we lost it all, Nothing lasts forever,I'm sorry I can't be perfect,Now it's just too late and We can't go backI'm sorry I can't be perfect...'
used to love that song,and everytime it plays on the radio,i'll sing along.I knew no one is perfect and so am i,i just love the song,but never thought one day the song really sing my heart out.My mum used to say,she asked me to control my temper,i have a bad temper.Few years ago,I hate it when my mum say that to me,because i know what i'm doing,and i think what i do is right,but now,i know she's right,i really have a bad temper,and it's not ok to carry this bad attitude with me,i need to endure when things really didn't come my way.I need to hold my temper and make it dissapear before disaster.Now i'm trying so hard to struggle,whenever i release my temper,i know i shouldn't do what i've done.and when my mum said i should hold my temper,i just keep quite,she's right,but she don't know i'm trying so hard not to get angry,so hard not to throw my temper on people that do me wrong.Sometimes i just hope i can be perfect,but i can't,no human is perfect.I trying so hard,keep trying and trying.....

untitle

What i've learn today,it's not to say anything when i'm in a blurry situation.If i haven't make it clear,i shouldn't had say anything,it might hurt someone accidentaly.And when you realise it,it might be too late.I guess feeling guilty in this kinda of situation is useless,coz it's my fault not to make things clear enough.I'm really famous to talk fast and straight.I know it might hurt someone but at least i know what i'm saying,and it may be right.But i never thought i will put myself in this kind of situation,so let's just put it as a painful,guilty lesson i've learn.

My Future

I'm walking on a path,beside me i can see many people.These people are busy doing something,but i know they are happy with what they are doing.They've found the road they want to go,they've got thier life thier future,and it's what they have been dreaming.Then the scenery changed.I'm burry in whiteness,all i can see is pitch white,i can't see what's infront,it's too bright and blurry.I kept on walking and walking.I don't know where i'm heading to,i just know i have to keep walking.Finally i've reached to an end.But i know it's not the end,because i've reach three doors.on Each door there's name on it.Music,Law and Tourismt.There's three different doors lead to three different path.One is my dream,one is my destiny and one is my interest.I'm standing infront of the three doors.The story can't end yet because i can't choose which door to open.I don't know which road is right for me and i don't know which road i will regret to choose.The story must end,but not now....

Atarashi!!

A new year has come,it's also a kick start for me,new dreams,new hope,new life....I don't know i should be happy about my new freedom or not.It's the first time i spend my new years eve with my friends,my parents didn't hold me back that night,infact the call me after midnight,to know when i'm coming home.I'm happy i can spend the night with my dearest friends,but i really felt kinda wierd cuz my parents whos' usually strict to me let me go,it's that how it feels?the tatse of first freedom?My feelings were messed up this morning,i cried while listening to Gackt's song.He is one of the person i respect the most in my entire life,I couldn't have thank him enough,his songs brings my spirit high and keeps me on the move whenever i felt like giving up.I wrote him a long,long letter and i hope it can reach his hand,i really want him to know how i feel and my appriciation.Atarashi,means new in japanese,i hope it also bring new hope for the tsunami friends that been through a rough new year.Atarashi no jinsei,means a new life,i hope they will go on with thier life even with the pain of the lost of thier love ones,they still have to go on.I can't hold and shed a tear to see those people in pain,i found out life is so precious and it can be gone in a blink of eye,we have to cherish love one before it's too late,Money can buy anything but not everything,something like love and the caring community it's something money can't buy.I guess it's a little bit messy for my post,cuz i dun have a main theme or something,just what i feel...Atarashi...new year,here i come!!!

Dare to Dream~

Now it's 1:08am 25th December in Malaysia.Yes it's Christmas day, and i have had a great night to countdown to Christmas.I went to a restoran with my family,not knowing i can learn so much.It isn't an ordinary restoran,it's a place open by Taiwanese, and there's a place for people who's talented to sing and present themsleves.It's a great place to find new born stars,because one of the owner there is a teacher,he teaches people who's interested and talented in sing.He also involve in teaching industry,he teaches chinese in high schools,english,and lectures in college,he starts teaching since 18.I was amaze by they way he present himself,his determined in doing what he loves.Since young, i have a dream,a kinda everybody's dream.To be a singer and have a band,When i was young, i will tell everyone about my dream and i'm proud of it. i had entered many singing contest.That time i was so sure i can sing.As i grew up,i found out being a super singer under the lime light isn't an easy thing,and it's a far far dream,there's a lot of facts that hold my dream back and it has now became a dream that is kept far in my heart,a dream i don't dare to dream about.But now,in that restoran, there's many who had fullfill thier dream,they done what they like and i saw them perform on stage,that was my dream,my long lost dream.Maybe it's call faith,that owner(that teacher)came down to chat with us.He told me it's ok to dream,he too dreaming of this day,that's what made him today.Now i know, i don't have to be famous, i don't need a name in hollywood, i just want to enjoy singing and be brave enough to dream.I felt like going back to those days again,where i really held on tight to my dream.I will go on and be brave to dream....

Umizaru

Two divers,40 meters underwater.One tank with 30 bar,enough for one to return safely.What would you do?
Umi means sea, zaru means monkey.Sea monkey,some might think it's a funny name, some might think it's wierd.But for me,i think it's simple but there's a deep meaning behind that name. i always thought sea is the most beatiful thing mother nature can have, it contains food,it create life,and the smell of it,it's so refreshing.But the sea, it's a dangerous place too, it's mysterious and full of deep, dark secret.On land,human laugh at monkyes,thier clumsy moves,the way the climb tree,or the way they escape from human,looks funny right?But in the sea, human looks like monkey.Even for a diver or a swimmer, they look clumsy in water, even they are skillfull enough,they still have to escape from the sea if there's danger, just like monkeys escape from human.For me, i think that is why this movie is call umizaru.Eventhough human are smartest creature on earth,they can conquer land, forest, but not the sea.14 recruits had submitted for 50 day training course to become elite Rescue Divers.All of them are Navy pilots and had worked on sea for a long time, but, to dive in the sea to rescue people it's not an easy job.In that 50 days, they learned friendship,they learned to love life, a human life, and escape from death.While watching this movie, i had a lot of thoughts in my head, and my emotion run wild.I cried there, i was nervous, i was scard and i could feel myself shaking not because of the cold.I felt like as if in in that situation, what would i do?
"Two divers,40 meters underwater.One tank with 3o bar,enough for one to return safely.What would you do?"This is the question asked in the movie.One person said,"i'll leave my partner behind, the best must come up alive."Another said,"i try my best to think of something to save us both."in the end both of them were caught 40 meters under the sea with 30bars of oxygen.Alas, the best didn't come up, and the other one didn't think of anything to save them both, they just can wait and believe the other trainiees to save them.It's the deep relationship, the bound between the 14 trainees that save both of them.After they graduate, they've learn to not just to be a good life saver,but a better man.Stepping out of the cinema,i've learned a lot too, my tear tank and stomach are empty but my heart and mind are full.Lessons i've learned in this movie, umizaru will be with me and stay in my heart untill the day i die, and i believe it will make me a better person.

A Smile~

"Smile and the wold smile to you".That is what i used to hear.That's why i love to smile and i love to see people smile too.Sometimes,you can know that person is sincere or not, just by looking at his or her smile.If someone smile with his or her heart,you will feel a comfortable and nice feeling just by looking at thier smile, but in the other hand,a fake smile will make you uncomfortable and unrespect.That is what i've learned, smile with your heart and the world smile to you.I remember somewhere in March, i've found a smile, the first smile that made me felt," no wonder i like you!".It's ZChen, a Malaysian pop star, he gave me a smile and held my hand tight when he shooked it.His smile let me know how much he appreciates me as a fan who appreciate and love his music.Although he said something,but is his smile that makes me felt happy, and i know i'll never forget this smile. The second smile i found i love it so and makes me feel comfortable is today, a smile from Maksim, a great piano player.I admire his skills and the way he expresse the song while he play.I've admire him since the first album,"The Piano Player".Today i got a chance to get his signature on my cd.I've waited for half a day for this moment.But i was calm because i'm not a fan girl for him.So unlike other fan waiting anxiously, i was calm and chatted with my friend.Then, Maksim arrived, once he step up from the stairs, he smiled,that smile makes me n my friend blush, we can actually feel the blood rushing up to our faces.Before he sign my album i smiled at him and he smile back.That smile shows that he is so humble and friendly,after he sign i shooked his hand and he smile again, that smile shows his appriciation.I was mesmerized.A smile really works on me, i really cannot forget those smiles for life.By a smile i know that i can trust.My friend said, seeing is believing;touching is feeling.Ne Son, you are right!^-^

Just Love..

I've read a lot of novel, especially those novels that talk about love.i love to read, i read novel in Malay, Chinese and English.But the only reason i stick my eyes and put my head on the novel is, i want to know what is love.Love beautiful love is pain;Love is sharing love is envy;love have different side, different people have thier own point of view about love.After reading so many different kind of love novel, i found out love is unexplainable,love is something you can't touch but feel,something special that create by God, it's like a kind of shield that keeps human together.I just watch a movie today, it gaves me an impact. The movie is call "THE FORGOTTEN". The movie is about alien made an experiment on human.The aliens want to know,if they can destroy this shield--a mother's love for his son.But in the end, they managed to erase all parent's memories about thier children, but one. Eventhough her first memmory about her son is erase by that alien, she can still remember she had a little life in her body and than the aliens knew they had fail, they cannot erase the bound between human---love. I reaslise, love is in everyone, it is something no one can take from you. Love happens everywhere, you love your family, you love your friends, you love your pet, you love the song, you love your idol. Love is a simple thing, we will find it everywhere. You don't have to find it it will come, love is in us, it is something nothing than human can have, all those hate, envy in love is made by human too.love is like a plain water, it depends on how what taste you want to be, to make a cup of coffe that is bitter, or to make a juice, that is sweet. Just let it be, love will come to you when it is the time to come, that's why FAITH is made. Now, i only admire those love story in the novel i've read. I know one day love will knock on my door too, i'll just wait for my time...

1st touch~

here am i,standing in between growing up and not to grow up.i've just finish my final and my last-most-important-exam in high school.i know after that,i will grow up and take a first step in to the adult world.that is why,in a middle of a night like this, i have many thoughts of what will it be like as an adult. like every other teenager, i'm eager to grow up,i can have my own world and the freedom i want.but then, as i grew to become a more mature thinking young lady, i found out there isn't any excitement in growing up, i have to learn to be resposibility, i have to face the world all on my own, and i have a lot to learn, a lot to explore.it's kinda scary when you have to face the odds alone,far away from your family.....
but then, i found out something, something that keeps me going.4 friends i found who gave me faith and made me brave to face a whole new world.with thier support, i'm no longer alone in this big world.i'm going to be a small girl standing strong againts all odds in this big world, coz i have them,son,kei,sho and hana. i feel whole.thankz guys, love ya all!!